Friday, July 30, 2004
We’re Environmentally Conscious But…
Here's my problem: even if the new busses are better for the environment, they're actually causing more pollution. Those new busses aren’t being dismantled. They’ll still be chugging out pollution; it will just be in some third world country instead of London. Add the pollution from the new busses, and pollution is actually higher.
Hmmm. This sounded a lot better in my head. Why did I even write this? Who cares?
Need A Read? Part Two
Invasion Of The Relatives Update
Some people came from “Reflections in d minor.” It’s run by Lynn S. Lots of neat stuff there, about art, music, opera, fractals and more. You can find it here. If you didn’t come here from there, you go look now!
Other people came from The Tattooed Texan, who seems to have butterflies in her stomach. Although in that picture that’s there, her stomach looks just fine. I know, I know, it most likely isn’t her, but you gotta love the tummy. MMMM…butterfly tummy. But enough of that. The further adventures of the Tattooed Texan, aka the Princess of Overindulgence, can be found here. If you didn’t come here from there, you go look now!
You from there and elsewhere, thanks for stopping by, especially when the relatives are here and my time is limited. Saturday will be a no post day. I thought I would be here Sunday, but it’s starting to look like maybe not. I have a few prepared posts I’ll put up in a few minutes, but let’s say after Friday noon, there probably won’t be anything new until maybe even late Monday.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Why Do Antibiotics Stink?
Need A Read?
Oh yeah. everyone arrived safely and I had my first home cooked breakfast in more than a year.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Exorcist: The Beginning
One could be psycho killer movies. These would be the big three: Freddy, Jason, Michael. A crazed bad guy who has at least strength, endurance and cool weapons. These are pretty cheesy. Psycho is the exception that proves that rule.
Another could be monster horror movies. We’ll throw in aliens, the blob, any number of mutated insects, pod people, zombies, vampires and on and on. These can also be cheesy, but there are also a number of classics such as Jaws or Alien.
And then you have the religious/evil horror movies. Of course these can be cheesy, but there are classics here too. Poltergeist, The Omen, The Exorcist. Amityville Horror always creeped me out. You’ll notice these are split between Good (Church or God) vs. Evil (Demons or Satan) and Good (or at least innocent homeowners) vs. Evil (in some disembodied form). I prefer these two types over any of the others. This tells me that somehow these specific types of horror movies speak to me in a way that the others don’t. They are certainly more realistic than most psycho killer movies and monster horror movies. Now for religious people, plots from Omen and Exorcist are plausible, possible, or even certain to occur. I don’t think I’m a very religious person. But I really like these movies. It will sound totally stupid, but I almost approach them the way an eager student approaches his favorite class. As if I expect to learn something. Something I need to know. I’m all into the three sixes hidden under Damien’s hair. That whole exorcism ritual is totally cool. But if I’m not religious, why am I so into this stuff? Do I really expect to run into possessed people and a four year old Anti-Christ on the street or in my local supermarket?
Or maybe it’s like when my friends and I debated whether or not Spider-Man really could have beaten Firelord that time when the Avengers were out of town.
Oh yeah, the title. I started thinking about all this when I saw a commercial for Exorcist: The Beginning.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Ummmm Yeah. Did I Mention Ego? Part Five
Atlernate title: The Good. The Bad. The Humiliating.
Ok we have good news and bad news, and maybe other bad news.
The bad: Reduced posting may be expected Wednesday through Saturday. I may have a chance Sunday. Company is coming, and if you ever saw the Shaggy D.A., you know how humans react to intelligent non-humans. I’ll have to be a little circumspect. I’ve put some things aside. I’m trying to prepare so that you’ll have something to look at. I made an effort to pick some general link type stuff, plus some writings on topics that aren’t as time sensitive as some of the political or current events type posts. There’s a chance that after Sunday, I may be away again. In any case, all visiting will be over by Friday of next week so be ready then for lots of exciting details of what I’ve been up to. See what a benevolent dictator I will be?
Some more bad, or maybe some good: If you’ve been following the scattered reports from the Vigilance Squad, you should know that new reports will have to wait until the hubbub has died down here. I’ll leave it to you to decide the goodness or badness of this.
The definitely good: You may be reading this because you found a link from this place here. Unless you just came from there, You go look now! Very brief: I have a long list of blogs on my personal favorites list, and a much shorter list on my actual blogroll. Ask me later if you want more details on the philosophy of the two. I only bring it up to say that the Llama Butchers are receiving a field promotion to my blogroll. When the revolution comes, some appropriate reward shall be theirs.
The Humiliating: I may have made a couple of bragging posts about my status in the Ecosystem. I even gloated, with some reservations, over who I had just passed on the list. Unfortunately, as the Llama Butchers reminded me, I am now an Insignificant Microbe. Once again.
Finally: I feel bad that I got my first big announcement on someone else’s site and a day later my posting will be limited for a few days. There’s lots of archives folks. And trust me; practically no one has read them. So if you can’t get enough of me (there’s a first time for everything!), go look around there.
Actual Update: Why should you care? Because I’m psychic and wicked funny. If Amazingly Perceptive Steve says it, it must be true.
Actual Update: Now I'm crunchy again. Awww forget it. Maybe I'll just pick one day a week to review my status and ignore it otherwise. Or something.
Monday, July 26, 2004
I Need Tips! No, Not Money! The Advice Kind
Whoopi’s X-Rated Fundraiser Comments Transcript
Because Whoopi’s performance was X-rated, for your protection it has been placed here. You go look now! --LF
Lord Floppington's 100th Post
Satan’s Drink. Not To Be Confused With Jesus Juice.
One thing that confused me. He refers to soda as Satan’s Drink. If I look at my diet caffeine free soda can, on the nutrition facts table, I see 1% daily value of sodium, and everything else is zero. So am I going to keel over? It doesn’t seem like it, but he knows lots of stuff I don’t. Maybe you do too.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
List Of Bloggers At The Convention
Another 20 or so bloggers -- including several conservatives -- were invited, then disinvited, prompting accusations of bias; organizers say it was "a pure logistical error" and most disinvited bloggers weren't conservative.
Sounds nice and fair, but I’m not sure it squares with this reorganization of the list:
Liberal (based on self identification or candidate of choice):
Jerome Armstrong: MyDD.com
Natasha Celine: Pacific Views
Taegan Goddard: Political Wire
Mathew Gross: MathewGross.com
Aldon Hynes: Greater Democracy
Kirk W. Johnson: American Amnesia
Ezra Klein and Jesse Taylor: Pandagon.net
Byron LaMasters: Burnt Orange Report
Jeralyn Merritt: TalkLeft
Christopher Rabb: Afro-Netizen
Jay Rosen: PressThink
Joe Rospars: NotGeniuses.com and BlogforAmerica.com
Peter Rukavina: Reinvented
Bill Scher: LiberalOasis.com
David Weinberger: Boston.com
Matt Welch: Hit & Run
Jessamyn West: Librarian.net
Stephen Yellin: DailyKos and OurCampaigns
Conservative (based on self identification or candidate of choice):
Allen Larson: LarsonReport.com
Somewhere in between (based on self identification or did not state (DNS) a preference):
Patrick Belton: OxBlog
Tom Burka (DNS): Opinions You Should Have
Rick Heller: Centerfield
Gordon Joseloff and Jessica Bram: WestportNow.com
Paul McCullum, William Oemler, and Allison Grady: Dinner for America
Alan Nelson: The Command Post
Brian Reich: Campaign Web Review
Thanks to this guy here for the pointer. You go look now!
So I found another crunchy comrade here.
And I found her through a comment she left on a post by this crunchy comrade here.
Keep your eyes open. We’re everywhere! Ahhhhh ha ha ha ha!
I am currently struggling to stay on rung four, Crunchy Crustaceans. There are about 1,300 of us Crunchy Crustaceans, and I am twenty from the bottom. Having just graduated from Wiggly Worms, I certainly hope I don’t devolve back into one. And I still have to climb over a lot of fellow crustaceans to make it to Lowly Insect. But while I’m here, I thought it might be fun to look at some of my crunchy comrades, just above and below me.
My covetous claws now seek (one spot above me): O Beauty Unattempted. Tagline: The sporadic ramblings of Emily C. A. Snyder - devoted to God, theatre, writing, and much randominity.
I looked through it so you don’t have to. This person seems very nice. I particularly enjoyed the irony of such a religious person taking part in this sort of online evolution experiment. For me, this blog has too much God. Sort of like how this blog sometimes has too much gay (ask me later). When the same topic comes up over and over and over, I start to feel preached at (no pun intended, Miss Snyder), which is a turn-off for me. Even though I might never be a regular reader of Miss Snyder, I know there are many people who will like her. Prescription: Once every two weeks for one month. Then take as often as needed for your symptoms.
My claws have just crushed (one spot below me): Rabid Rabbits and Psycho Squirrels. Tagline: My Off-center view of the world.
I feel bad that I crushed this one cause I like it. I had a good time reading it. I plan to read it some more. It’s more of a personal journal blog, from what I’ve seen so far. Maybe it’s just because I like Denis Leary and so does Julie H., who runs the site. She also is madly in love with some guy named Rick. Miss H is in Brooklyn (does she not sleep til she gets there?), and seems like a bit of a smart ass. Maybe. Which I like too. Prescription: Twice a week for two weeks. Then take as often as needed for your symptoms.
My Weblog Sense Is Tingling
“Sounds like the photosphere, right?” I said to myself. See that is so weird. I was trying to type photosphere in that question and I ended up with photosphere photosphere what the hell? It won’t let me type it. Ok how bout this way: blog o sphere. Yeah baby! You see photosphere up there over and over? I am typing blog o sphere, and my spell check is correcting me of it’s own will and turning it into photosphere. Bastard.
That description in the top paragraph sounds like a description of the blogging community, doesn’t it? But it also describes the 1990 film Pump Up The Volume. Hell, pump up the prophecy, Hard Harry. Full disclosure: I own the video.
This morning, I’m poking around, reading this and that, and I find this story here. You go look now!
I found it thanks to this guy here. You go look now!
So the question is, am I psychic, or is this just like the experience each of us has had of “knowing” what the next song was going to be on the radio?
Saturday, July 24, 2004
This Offer Can’t Last Forever
Better. Stronger. Faster. Part Seven
Similar better, stronger, faster thoughts can be found here. You go look now!
Someday This Gratification Shall Be Mine
I found those guys (or gals? Nope, it's two guys) thanks to this guy here. You go look now!
That particular comic and the news upon which it is based must be especially gratifying for this guy here, who wrote this a while back. You go look now!
The tender vittles:
The other monstrous lie is that time is running out for the two-state solution. In fact, the exact opposite is true: time is running out for the Palestinian one-state solution. Israel is about to unilaterally implement a two-state solution, and it is Arafat who is running out of time. Once the wall is complete and Israel disengages from the West Bank, there will be no hope that the Palestinians could eventually take Israel back. And there is a very high chance, approaching certainty, that the Palestinian interfaction power struggle would turn violent and lead to an extremely bloody Palestinian civil war similar to the one that took place in Lebanon.
Post For The Detail Oriented
Friday, July 23, 2004
Ummmm Yeah. Did I Mention Ego? Part Four
I just wanted to take a moment and acknowledge those of you on PacBell.net for your efforts for the cause. Sometimes, those who serve cannot be named. Rest assured, they are known and appreciated.
New Details Of Whoopi’s Fundraiser Comments
“There’s my boy!” Poochles the entered the kitchen, his little nails making their clicky-clacky noises as he trotted over to the Bouncer. “Have a little snack, boy,” said the Bouncer, tossing a few extra pieces of ham and slices of mushroom to the poodle before turning back to flip the omelet.
“Le Woof!” barked Poochles before he ate the ham. Later, he would carry the mushrooms in his mouth to the spare bedroom and drop them in the floor vent. No one knows why. Except, perhaps, the Gatherer.
“You know, Poochles, it turns out Joe Wilson lied and Sandy Berger stole stuff. What this means for the Democrats is --” The Bouncer paused as he noticed a shimmer in the air to his immediate left. With the melodious chimes of happy bells, the Gatherer materialized.
“You pontificated?” the Gatherer asked.
“Yes, but the exciting part is I don’t even need people anymore! I can summon you by pontificating to the dog.” Bouncer motioned to the table. “Come sit down, I made you breakfast.”
“This better be the best damn omelet I’ve ever eaten. You pulled me out of the shower you know!” growled the Gatherer.
The Bouncer laughed. “So that’s why you’re naked and wet. I was afraid I might have pulled you out of Martha Stewart’s cell-warming party. Look, I put out a robe for you on your chair, it is the best damn omelet you’ve eaten, and I can’t wait to hear the big scoop you got.”
“Well, as you know, none of my regular sources could come through for me about what actually happened at that fundraiser at which, you know, Whoopi Goldberg performed and which has been the subject of some controversy of late.”
“That’s old news, Gatherer. Nobody’s talking about that anymore,” the Bouncer protested.
“That’s only because Kerry’s forces clamped a lid on it so successfully. When you hear what went on there, well, even you will be shocked. By the way, my sources tell me you're about to ask if they cut off every leak, how did I hear about it?”
“What do you mean, even I will be shocked? And if they cut off every leak, how did you hear about it? Wait, how did you do that?”
“These are the powers of the Gatherer,” he said, cryptically, as he ate his omelet, also cryptically. It was so cryptic, the omelet didn’t even realize it was being eaten. “Now maybe you’ll think twice about interrupting my shower.”
“Ok, ok, I apologize. So who is this mystery source anyway?”
“I couldn’t find a single source on earth, so I had to look elsewhere.”
“What do you mean, elsewhere? Where else is there?”
“I had to go to the Mirror, Mirror universe, where all of our anti-selves live. I knew the source was there somewhere. I traveled many miles and questioned many potential sources. My senses pulled me along and I followed, until I finally saw him, the Anti-Lieberman. This was the source.”
“Hold on now,” the Bouncer interrupted. “The Anti-Lieberman? What did he look like?”
“He looks just like our Lieberman, with a goatee. He was one of the few who was willing to help me.”
“But Gatherer, since it’s a mirror universe, wouldn’t all Liberals be good, and thus willing to help you?”
The Gatherer nodded. “That’s what I thought too, but actually, the Liberals are so divorced from reality, they end up being evil in all universes. Anti-Lieberman is the only exception I‘ve found so far. My sources tell me you‘ll now summarize and ask about what Whoopi said.”
“Ok, so we’ve got an alternate universe and the Anti-Lieberman; what did Whoopi -- stop that!”
Still to come: Portions of Whoopi’s X-rated routine; plus, how Hillary helped make the cover-up a clean sweep (wow, symbolism and foreshadowing!).
Sharpton On Disproportionate African American Deaths In Bush's War
But are they really? I guess I’ll have to look up several numbers and see if he’s right. For full disclosure, I should tell you that I wouldn’t be going to all this trouble if I believed him, but I’ll give you the links. I’m only doing the guys by the way. Women, if you feel the need to complain, please go here first.
African Americans as % of U.S. population: 36.4 million (12.9%) of total US population
African American males 18-29 as % of all males 18-29: 3,079,238 (13%) of 23,672,589 (all males 18-29)
(Arbitrary age range to approximate “military-aged” males)
African American males as % of U.S. Army: 18.9% and U.S. Marines: 11.8%
African Americans as % of military deaths in Iraq: Black: 111 (12.4%) of U.S. Military deaths: 892
(This page lists Coalition, U.S., and Black deaths in Iraq. It does not say African American. I included all of them as U.S. just to give Mr. Sharpton a little help. Click on the “Graphical breakdown of casualties” link.)
African Americans as % of U.S military deaths in Afghanistan (pdf file): 9 (9.1%) of 99 U.S. Army and Marine deaths.
Seems to me that African American deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq are actually less than their representation within the total U.S. population and within the population of military aged males.
I Got Burned
I Aim To Kill You In About One Minute Ned. What Movie?
As a single type guy, I set a bad example. I am not as tidy as I could be. Plus I just cleaned the garage. So early on garbage pick-up day, I put out the thirteen bags of trash. Not including Britney Spears. I should explain our system here. Everyone has one can. I can also put out bags of trash, like the thirteen plastic lawn and garden size bags I put out there. I’m supposed to call and let them know how many bags I’m putting out. They charge extra for each bag. Well, I didn’t call. By the time I was done and knew how many bags I had, it was pretty late. Besides, I hate phones. Ask me later. Plus, I told myself I would label the bags, claiming them as mine, and that would take care of it just fine. Turns out no. I got red tagged. When a customer screws up, he gets a tag on the can. It’s a checklist, and they check off their infractions. But now that I think of it, did I get a red tag last time? Or was it yellow? And was it green the first time? Am I nearing the end of my allowable infractions? If so, what happens when I commit that one violation too many? First tag I got was marked “can too heavy.” Second tag, “Animal waste must be in a sealed/tied bag or container.” Today’s tag, “Extra bags must be called in the day before pick-up.” So I had to go back out and haul the bags back in again. All thirteen of them. Wait a minute. Thirteen bags! No wonder it didn’t work out.
But really, what’s the big deal? It’s not like they took a smaller truck because I didn’t call in, and if they take my bags they’ll run out of room for the rest of the trash on their route. They knew who to bill. I put it right there on the bags. And now I have to haul these bags to our local unsightly hole reclamation project. But it’s a nice program. See there were all these really massive holes, and they were unsightly. Rumor has it someone told Michael Moore that there were undiscovered Twinkie mines in this area, and he dug each of these open pits with his bare hands. We didn’t want our community to be all pock-marked and cratery looking. We might have gotten nuked by mistake! Therefore, we decided we would do the environmentally conscious thing, and the safe thing, and fill in these unsightly holes. The only thing we could think of to put in them was our trash. So we’re disposing of our waste and reclaiming the environment. I’m only too happy to do my part to fight back against the damage Moore has done. Maybe thirteen bags wasn’t unlucky. I guess I don’t have to kill the garbage man after all.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Better. Stronger. Faster. Part Six
I’ll Meet You At The Place By The Thing Where We Went That Time. What Movie?
I told you yesterday that Princess Wolfie called me. She asked me today if I had seen the mail sent by the company. It was the manual of procedures produced by the committee she and I were on in June. These two events are indicative of some changes in me. They might even be good changes, even if they seem to contradict everything I’ve been about during my time at the company. I dunno. Ask me later.
ACTUAL UPDATE: Yeah, it didn’t quite live up to the advance billing from yesterday, did it? I wonder if that means something? Fate. Faith. Whatever.
ACTUAL UPDATE: Mmmmm. Frozen peanut butter cookie dough.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
I look At Your Face And I Just Want To Smash It. What Movie?
Well I got a call from her today. Back in June, Princess Wolfie had been involved in a fundraiser, and I signed up (like I could ever say no to her) for some cookie dough. Well it arrived and she was looking everywhere to find my number. Ask me later. Finally she remembered that it was written on the order form. The quote: “I’m such a dork!” I’ve mentioned before that she likes to use the word “dork” a lot. And that I love it! When she called, she gave her first and last name, as if I might have forgotten who she was. Not likely, but she doesn’t know that, so I must be keeping up my composure around her ok. Anyway, it’s here, and I’m going to pick it up tomorrow when she gets off work. I could go earlier during the day, but if I go at the end, maybe there’s a chance that she and I and Neighbor Lady could hang out for a while after. Hey armchair shrinks, is that what they call passive aggressive?
I’ll tell you more tomorrow, but just let me add one thing. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of D-day.
If you’re a reader from the future, you can see what I’m talking about here.
Ask Me Later (Paging Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard.)
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
And Another Thing…
So what’s the point? Well O’Reilly had a similar moment today in his Talking Points segment. Although the Fox News web site still defies me, I may have noticed they run the Talking Point from the previous night the next day on the O’Reilly Factor page of the site. Consider checking there later tonight or tomorrow. I’ll do my best to accurately paraphrase what was said.
O’Reilly noted a review in the NYT of an FNC critical movie. This reviewer simply adored the movie and took some shots at O’Reilly. O’Reilly also noted a number of other examples of the NYT not seeing things correctly. You might wonder how this is any different from someone like Michael Moore giving examples of how the right doesn’t see things correctly.
Here’s one difference: Remember how “Roger and Me” made such a big deal about how the big, evil, powerful executive would do everything he could do to avoid Moore and his cameras, and how that was just another symbol of his big, evil powerfulness? In this movie, Roger is the executive and Moore is the “Me.” Years go by. A young man has a message he wants to pass on to America. He decides a documentary about a big, evil, powerful corporation would be the perfect framework for the story he has to tell. As it turns out, the executive for this corporation is just as camera-shy as Roger. The executive in question? None other than Michael Moore. Info about the film, “Michael Moore Hates America,” can be found here. You go look now! So Moore can dish it out but he can’t take it. What about O’Reilly?
Of course he has a standing invitation to any number of people who refuse to come on the show. He made a more precise challenge today in Talking Points. He offered to debate any editor or columnist from the NYT. And it wasn’t a hollow gesture. Removing the “O’Reilly has home field advantage” question from the table, he went on to say that he had asked Charlie Rose of PBS to host and moderate the debate on his show. Rose agreed. And so do I. I’d love to see a debate, not just the “latest sound bite topic of the day” typical gabfest, but something more like the presidential debates with speakers from right and left. It would be beneficial to everyone to see articulations of the beliefs of both sides, rather than the articulation of how the belief responds to this or that news item we see every day. But enough daydreaming. I may be wrong, but I would be very surprised to see his challenge taken up.
What Do You Think The Temperature Is? One. What Movie?
TCS has new articles every weekday on a wide variety of topics. One of our obligations as citizens is to be well informed, not just informed. You owe it to yourself and your country to at least look at the headlines for the articles each day. You don’t have to read them all. My own habit there is to read authors I have come to respect regardless of topic, and then to read other articles on topics that do happen to interest me. Visit there every day for a week. I truly believe most of you will find something interesting.
Who Watches The Watchmen? Part Three
So Arnold called them “girlie men.” But what is a girlie man anyway? A girlie man is a wimp. Perhaps a wuss. Not especially strong willed. Doesn’t always do the right thing. Takes the easy path rather than the necessary path. Not courageous. Unwilling to stand up to negative interests. These might be the personal qualities Arnold finds disturbing in those who won’t pass the budget Arnold wants.
Sheila Kuehl is a Senator in California’s Legislature. She believes that the term “girlie men” is an example of “blatant homophobia.”
Why don’t we start with homophobia? I guess the literal meaning would be something like fear of gays. But it is often used to describe someone who hates gays or is mean to gays. Not the same thing folks. It’s not necessary to fear something to hate it. I hate liver. It tastes bad. I do not fear it. If we add in the “blatant” we might think that Arnold was not just insulting and mean to gays, he was SUPER insulting and mean to gays. Problem is, he never mentioned gays.
I happen to be acquainted with five people that I know are gay. I may know other people who are gay, but who haven’t made this fact known to me. I bring this up to say that the qualities represented by Arnold’s “girlie men” do not apply to the gay people I know. But for some reason, these are exactly the qualities that Ms. Kuehl believes apply to all gay people. Why else would she think that comments that don’t mention gay people refer to gay people? Arnold thinks “girlie men” are wimps. Ms. Keuhl thinks that gays are “girlie men.” It’s an important distinction.
Let’s take a moment to recap the series so far:
Part One: We learn that state Assemblyman Mervyn Dymally, D-Los Angeles, who is African-American, seems to think that African-Americans are “dirty.”
Part Two: We learn that, according to Spike Lee and U.S. Congressman Melvin Watt, it is ok to be a racist or a bigot as long as you are African-American.
Part Three: We learn that Ms. Keuhl, a member of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Caucus in California’s Legislature, holds many negative stereotypes of gays.
There must be a good, descriptive term, from psychology or elsewhere, that describes these sorts of people. I reach the conclusions I have in this series based on the words or actions of these people. I give them respect by taking what they do and say seriously. But there’s a problem. Think about Bush’s critics. Many of them do not give this same respect to Bush. Rather than accept what he says, these critics will tell you what they insist Bush actually meant or implied. Do the words “imminent threat” sound familiar? They will then proceed to attack Bush not for what he said, but for what they say he meant. To me, this seems irrational, if not disingenuous. Am I wrong?
I could be way off. Maybe I’m a lone voice in the wilderness. But what if there are others like me out there, who believe in what people say and do, not what we imagine they think. Our nation, and Western Civilization, faces a serious crisis. Am I wrong to be concerned that the left seems to be living in a fevered dream world, that half of our society is being led by people who are not quite connected to reality?
Monday, July 19, 2004
Ummmm Yeah. Did I Mention Ego? Part Three
Alternate title: Good Citizen Award. Part Two
You can read part one of that, here.
Close to 24 hours ago, this site got it’s first real comment. Someone had been here and took the time to say a nice thing. Which is nice. Another milestone reached. It’s another ratty dollar I can frame and display in the business that is my life. Ratty dollar is just part of the metaphor, not a reflection of how I feel about the comment.
First, it was nice to finally get one. Second, the comment was really nice. And so to honor Alyssa for her historic contribution, she shall receive the Good Citizen Award. Congratulations, Alyssa! Read about the prestigious Honorees she will be joining by following the link above to GCA part one.
Paging Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard. What Were Their First Names?
But we’re talking about Day By Day. I really enjoy this comic. It’s funny and thoughtful and frequently comments on current events. Today, however, was just magic. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe everyone else will think it’s funny in the usual funny sense. I guess I mean that I found it hysterically funny and others might not go so far as hysterical. Bush’s line in the last panel flat out cracks me up. I can’t explain why, and if I analyze it too much, I might ruin it. Let’s just leave it at wonderful.
Day By Day by Chris Muir can be found here. You go look now!
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Alaska. California. The World.
One band in particular I liked. They put on an exciting, energetic show. The music was enjoyable even though it was the first time I had heard it. They’ve been together since 2001, I believe, when they were all in Alaska. The problem, as they note, is that they had to drive 3,000 miles to the lower 48 to go on any kind of tour. Plus, they were far away from the studios and people in the business, and running things by remote just made things more difficult.
So they came to California, to sort of the central northerny region. It’s a town called Modesto. If you watch the news, you’ve heard of it. This is the now the forward command post in their quest for musical domination. If they come near you, go see them play.
The band is called Nothing Less. They can be found here. You go look now!
Saturday, July 17, 2004
FNC Recovers “Accidentally” Deleted Edwards Transcript. Part Three
This is part three of three. Part one can be found here. Part two can be found here.
Dr. Hypnos was ready to deliver his report. His mental probing of the intern had yielded results and he was able to reconstruct the missing seven minutes. Dr. Hypnos has two powers. He is able to read the thoughts of all near him and project his thoughts to them. His other power is his giant mouth with its huge horse-like teeth. Dr. Hypnos projected what he had discovered into the minds of those in the room. The missing seven minutes:
Carl Cameron: You’ve said the performers at the fund-raiser don’t speak for you or Senator Kerry. How does that square with Kerry’s statement that they represent the heart and soul of the Democratic party?
John Edwards: I don’t know what you mean. It’s perfectly clear to me.
Cameron: But isn’t it another example of a Kerry flip-flop?
Edwards: No Carl, I really don’t think it is.
Cameron: So by Senator Kerry saying one thing and you saying the opposite, you can cover both sides of every issue and tell everyone what they want to hear? Is that your plan?
Edwards: It’s unfortunate that you made that connection. I really hate to do this Carl. It hurts me more than it hurts you. But I can’t have you telling people our secret.
As he said this, Edwards’ eyes started to glow. Cameron shrank back in fear.
Cameron: You…You’ll never get away with this!
The glowing eyes narrowed and an aura of golden light suffused the candidate. Overcome by the light, Cameron was transfixed. A look of peace and contentment stole over his features. Edwards directed his gaze to a nearby stage hand, then to a cameraman. One by one, his shimmering glow, his youthful good looks, his heart-warming smile overwhelmed everyone in the room, leaving them all in the same condition as Cameron. Only the intern, who had ducked behind the food table, avoided Edwards’ notice.
X'Xxxxxx: I’m sorry, Dr. Hypnos, but I’ve got to stop you there. This is the no spin zone after all. I’m not buying it. Maybe he could affect the people in the room, I’ll give you that. But what about the video? The transcript?
Hypnos: His abilities are more advanced than we thought. The liberalism is strong in this one. His charm now has the ability to affect machines. It was through this power that he persuaded the video and transcription machines to erase their own data. We believe this newfound machine charisma also explains why he gets along so well with Al Gore. The intern apparently was outside the effective range of the power, which only seems to work in person when Edwards directs it at an individual.
Xxxx: So as long as we’re not in the same room as Edwards, we’re safe from his power. Sort of like a pie at Xxxxxxxx house.
Xxxxxxxx: Allow me to demonstrate absurdity by being absurd. Xxxx, you suck.
Xxxxx: Enough, enough! You two sound like an old married couple. Why don’t you go up to Massachusetts and tie the knot already. Xxxxxxxxx! What’s the bottom line?
Xxxxxxxxx: We should be able to work around the problem without much difficulty. The sticking point will be the Vice-Presidential debate where Cheney and Edwards will be on the same stage together. That could be a big risk for Cheney.
Xxxxxx: Xxxx, you started out on a roll, but here you’re way off. I don’t care how powerful the Edwards’ “glow” is; not even the sun can melt Cheney’s cold, black heart. Believe me, he’ll be safe. And if Edwards tries anything, Cheney would be well within his rights to punch him out. Just like Bush exercised his right to dismiss the NAACP’s invitation to speak.
At this point, the batteries died in the micro cassette recorder our source was carrying, but with everything under control, the meeting ended soon after anyway.
“I was surprised at the way they acted,” continued our source. “Rather than complete harmony, they argued among themselves, just like members of the Fantastic Four or the X-Men. The members of the Vigilance Squad are just like you and me, but with cool powers.”
Future installments in development, including: More superpowers of the Vigilance Squad, and details from the Gatherer about Whoopi’s performance at the fundraiser.
FNC Recovers “Accidentally” Deleted Edwards Transcript. Part Two
This article is part two of a series. Part one can be found here.
While the situation was unfolding in the studio, what was happening in Xxxxx Xxxxx office? One high ranking source within FNC described the events. “I first became aware of the situation when I got the emergency Manchuria code on my pager. I went directly to Xx. Xxxxx office. The Vigilance Squad was already there.”
The Vigilance Squad is a group of high level operatives within FNC, the GOP, and also includes select conservative thinkers. They live like Peter Parker or Clark Kent. They keep their powers hidden, only using them at times of great need to fight for truth, justice, and the American Way! Five members of the squad were there: Xxxxx Xxxxx, Xxxx Xxxxxxxx, Xxxx Xxxx, Xxxx X'Xxxxxx, and Monkey Head. Our source took a micro cassette recorder when he was summoned to Xxxxx office. The following is a transcript of that meeting.
Xxxxx: All right just what the hell is going on here?
Xxxxxxxx: Well Xxxxx, even with half my brain tied behind my back I can tell you that it’s strange, it’s weird, it’s unnatural, just like gay marriage. Therefore, it must be a Liberal plot.
Xxxx: Shut up Xxxxxxxx! You know we only keep you around in case Michael Moore challenges us to a sumo wrestling grudge match, loser has to leave the country. Speaking of which, eat more carbs! You don’t win sumo being skinny. Bulk up!
X'Xxxxxx: Now, Xxxx, I gotta disagree with you. You’re completely wrong, but I respect you for coming on to defend your views.
Xxxxxxxx: Xxxx, Xxxx. Don’t worry. Part of my talent on loan from God is patience in the face of dinks like him.
Xxxxx: All right just what the hell is going on here?
Monkey Head: When is the time for shooting?
Unidentified Noise: whoosh-boing. The Bouncer had popped up through a trap door in the floor. His only known power is bouncing. He loves his power. He is overjoyed with it. He can barely contain it. Watching him on Xxxxxxx Xxxxxx xxxx Xxxx Xxxx, one frequently sees him bouncing up and down, ever so slightly, in his seat. The Bouncer stepped up to the Vigilance Squad‘s “V”-shaped conference table, then paused, bouncing in place, waiting. A moment later, to the melodious chimes of happy bells, the Gatherer materialized out of thin air just to the left of the Bouncer.
The Gatherer has two known powers. First, no matter how far he may be, he can always sense when the Bouncer is about to pontificate. Second, when this happens, he is instantly teleported from anywhere on the planet to a position just to the Bouncer’s left. Witnesses to this power say it looks just like the “transporter” effect on the old Star Trek. The Gatherer is rumored to have more sources than all journalists combined. This may be another power.
Xxxxx: Xxxxx, there’s no reason to panic. Look, all the indicators show that the situation is under control, it’s being studied, and we’ll do what we need to do to in the course of dealing with it.
Xxxxxxxxx: My sources tell me that it has already been determined what happened in the missing seven minutes. Furthermore, they tell me that they got a really lucky break by finding an intern who had accidentally wandered onto the set where the interview was being conducted. The young man was apparently at a safe distance. What that distance is was not made clear, but apparently will be included in the report, which we’ll be hearing in just about three minutes, according to my sources.
Xxxxx: That’s more like it. What else have you got? Who’s running the show down there?
Xxxxxxxxx: The key discovery, aside from the activity logs discovered by the systems engineer down there, was when Dr. Hypnos came across this intern and found he had an eye witness to the event.
Xxxxxx: Xxxx right about something for a change. Not only that, but my sources tell me Edwards is to blame and that his cuddly exterior may conceal the heart of a sadist. Or a masochist. I always get those confused. Which one is the one that likes to inflict pain, is that the masochist, Xxxx?
Xxxxxxxxx: Oooooo. No Xxxx I’m sorry. Sadist. Sadist is the term we were looking for. The sadist likes to inflict pain; the masochist likes to receive it. Good try, though. Select again.
Xxxxxx: Your Trebek impression is really coming along. Have you been working with a voice coach?
Xxxxxxxxx: Why, thank you Xxxx. You might be interested to note that it was Dr. Hypnos who helped me perfect that impression. Turns out he is also a gifted impressionist and a skilled ventriloquist.
Monkey Head: When is the time to kill??
Xxxx: Somebody throw Monkey Head a hippie. Maybe he’ll shut the hell up.
Xxxxxxxx: Now, now Xxxx, as a compassionate conservative, I know what Monkey Head is going through. You see, Monkey Head has an addictive personality. He is addicted to killing hippies and people who smell bad, also known as the French. Addiction is a powerful thing.
X'Xxxxxx: Whaddaya say there Xxxx? Has he got a point?
Xxxx: No! No point! Release the hippie!
A hidden panel in the wall opened and a hippie emerged. After one look at Monkey Head, he ran for the door. Monkey Head followed, drawing three high-caliber handguns as he did so.
Monkey Head: Now is the time to kill!! Now is the time to kill!!
X'Xxxxxx: Xxxx, I’m afraid you’re wrong. Monkey Head isn’t addicted, he’s motivated. That’s a quality to be admired about Americans. And Xxxx. Release the hippies? Ease up on the Mr. Burns there pal. The phrase “Release the hippies” is the most ridiculous item of the week. Thank you both for being here to present your perspectives. For those of you at home, remember, name and town, name and town, if you wish to opine. Xxxx?
Xxxxxxxx: Silly Monkey Head. Now is the time to kill? Actually, now is the time when my sources said Dr. Hypnos would knock on the door.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Up Next: The report of Dr. Hypnos, and more superpowers of the Vigilance Squad.
Friday, July 16, 2004
FNC Recovers “Accidentally” Deleted Edwards Transcript
This is the first of several parts.
You probably saw something, somewhere similar to this Daily News account of John Edwards' interview with Fox News Channel: "Running mate John Edwards was asked about the flap yesterday by Fox News. 'They weren't speaking for me, and they weren't speaking for John Kerry,' he said, adding the ticket is 'focused on our positive, optimistic vision of hope.'"
The "They" in question were performers at a Kerry fundraiser, including Whoopi Goldberg, who was widely criticized for her remarks about President Bush. This will be further discussed in a separate article.
What you didn’t hear was that there was more to the interview that was lost in a technical glitch. The interview continued for several more minutes, but tape of the incident was somehow damaged. Efforts at recovery only managed to save the wrap up comments at the end of the interview.
Interestingly, FNC’s very hush-hush “Trident” system experienced a transcription error that corresponded exactly to the damaged section of the videotape. “We spent a lot of time developing the tri-feed, and to have all of the redundancies fail in the same unusual fashion, it’s just impossible,” declared an FNC systems engineer.
He added, “This wasn’t just a power failure. We examined the activity logs and we couldn’t believe what we saw. All of our recordings, both video and transcription, were systematically erased.” Who would do such a thing? Had the Dems managed to sneak a mole into FNC? If so, what were the Dems trying to erase?
What they discovered next would shock them all. “I remember that horror movie where a girl getting threatening calls is on the phone with the police, and they tell her, ‘We traced the call, and it’s coming form inside your house!!!’ It was just like that. My boss called over the senior executive on the floor and advised him that the systems had given themselves the order to erase.”
The senior executive on the floor called over Carl Cameron, The FNC reporter who had conducted the Edwards interview. Could Cameron reconstruct the missing minutes of the interview? Cameron had no idea what he was talking about. When shown the available footage, edited together with the damaged section removed, Cameron maintained that it was an accurate presentation of the complete interview. “The complete interview?” the executive exploded. “Then what the hell happened during the seven minutes of damaged footage we cut out of the middle of it?” Dumbstruck silence was the only reply.
The executive stepped away to make a call. “I couldn’t hear everything he said, but I distinctly heard the word ‘Manchuria’, then he said it again emphatically,” the engineer said. The executive completed the call and directed the engineer’s boss, one of the top tech men at FNC, to gather up all the data collected in the investigation. The engineer went on, “He turned to me and said ‘You’re in charge. No one leaves the set. Make a list of everyone who was here during the interview, and make sure they’re all here now. If anyone’s missing, give the names to security and they’ll round them up.’ Then I noticed that every exit was blocked by two security guards. He left with my boss and the data and that was the last I saw of them.”
Soon, six men entered the set and began to interview everyone. Quickly determining that no one seemed to remember the missing seven minutes, the “witnesses” were asked to volunteer for hypnosis to see if the memories could be recovered. Most agreed, but when questioned about the missing time they could only recall a warm, pleasant feeling. The notable exception was a new intern who had taken a wrong turn. Finding himself walking in on the Edwards interview, he crouched behind the food table and watched from a distant part of the set. It appears that this is what made him different from the rest of the witnesses, and saved him from their fate.
UP NEXT: The intern’s disturbing story, and an inside look at how Xxxxx Xxxxx handled the crisis.
Better. Stronger. Faster. Part Five
Unfortunately, the FNC website continues to defy me. Ask me later. Forget it, I’ll tell you now. I used to go there all the time. I could click on just about any show, and see transcripts of the reports, interviews, etc. And it was so great. It seemed to me more like a newspaper website. Caution, hyperbole ahead. I could practically read hundreds of stories and interviews. Then I didn’t go there for a while. In more recent times, I can find practically tens of stories and interviews. You’ve heard people say read the whole thing. On the old FNC site, I felt like I could do just that. Not anymore.
Look, I don’t even know him. I don’t know any bloggers personally. But seeing one of them on TV is fun, sort of like if I saw my neighbor on TV. Maybe I’m living vicariously through them? Could be, but it doesn’t change the fact that you should know about this, and, if you can’t do anything else, be like me and send positive vibes to our defenders overseas and at home.
LT. Smash is here. You go look now!
Protest Warrior is here. You go look now!
Nobody was reading this blog in June. The archives feel lonely. You go look sometime or other if you’re bored.
ACTUAL UPDATE: Over the years, I've thought of joining the military. Yet another good reason to do so can be found here . You go read now!
My faulty memory may have combined Lt. Smash's "Victory Vigils" and the Protest Warrior activities into one big group when they are actually separate organizations. Not sure. I'll let you know if I learn more.
You Are Summoned To The Hall Of Elders
Yes. The Hall of Elders. The Matron’s birthday. Well, not the exact day, Thursday was just convenient schedule-wise. The Hall is in a sort of countrysidey area. Gravel road, rabbits hanging out in the yard, turtles, frogs, ducks, countless non-duck birds and the occasional pesky non-human mammal. Pesky non-human mammals should be neutralized (neutralized = made not alive anymore).
I can hear your questions now, and I will give you a carefully considered, unbiased, honest answer: Hippies don’t count. Please do not neutralize them. This means you. Unless you are him or one of his duly appointed representatives. You go look now!
These pesky non-human mammals violate the dominions of the Hall of Elders. The will of the Elders is not to be denied. Violators would be neutralized. So let it be written, so let it be done. Captured violators: 6. Neutralizations: 6. Humans are dominant! The will of the Elders shall not be denied!
I will admit I enjoyed hearing this story over cake and ice cream. Remind me later to tell you how my Uncle Jam beat me to a Ben and Jerry’s joke. For fairness, I will also admit I felt a twinge of cute fuzzy animal guilt. Which ended when I learned that the agency that handles captured pesky non-human animals simply kills them and charges you twenty-five dollars.
The Elders are not fools! No middle man is necessary! In the dominions of the Hall of Elders, the word of the Elders is LAW! Our Justice is swift! See how that ties in to the alternate title? Sweet.
Anyway, the Elders had recently returned from a trip to another state, so I got to see some nice pictures of that. Aunt Viney was also there. She’s building a house out in the real countryside. We had a nice dinner at a nice place. A good time was had by all.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
UPDATE: Me brain work. After piddling around, I managed to determine that in the above paragraph, I should have used the word commenter rather than visitor. Turns out there have been visitors; they just haven't left comments. This could mean several things:
I am so good that no comment is worthy.
I haven't written anything good enough to merit comment.
I linked to someone and they wanted to check me out. They decided I suck and they left quickly. Which leads to...
I suck. I just don't suck enough to inspire comments.
So should my new motto be: "Devoted to excellence in neither quality nor suckiness."
Good Citizen Award
UPDATE: History demands that I mention two others who were good citizens to me before I started doing this. The first is SDB, who you can read here. He receives the Good Citizen Award, with cluster, for answering two of my emails. What can I say? The guy is a genius. No, not because he answered my emails. That just makes him a good citizen; haven’t you been paying attention? He’s a genius because of how smart he is and how well he expresses his thoughts on a vast array of topics. You go read now!
The second recipient is Dean Esmay, who you can read here. He receives the Good Citizen Award because he also helped me with some blogging questions. Many of his posts are news/politics based. You go read now!
UPDATE 2: It wasn’t intentional, but I just realized that all three of these guys are on my blogroll over there on the left.
UPDATE 3: And now I just realized all three of them are guys. I get no womanly emails. Help me out here. I’ve still got another month of satellite tasking before I see Princess Wolfie at the company conference. That’s a long time to be away from someone you have a crush on. So the big question is do I hope I get over her by the time I see her again, or do I hope I still feel the same by the time I see her again?
UPDATE 4: Is it a violation of blog ethics to write updates like this on the end of a post, while in the process of writing the original post, before I’ve even posted the original post?
ACTUAL UPDATE: Regarding UPDATE 3, what do I have to do, put out t-shirts like this guy here?
Better. Stronger. Faster. Part Four
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
I’ve Got To Buy It! I’ve Got To Buy It! Chinpokomon! What TV Show?
Alternate title: Okama Game Sphere! Which you can read about here. Something I learned there? Okama is Japanese slang for gay.
All of it leads to the conclusion of my quest.
I don’t especially care for modern video games. I don’t want to use every key on my keyboard just to play a game. I want to blow stuff up 80’s style. And I heard a rumor. You could get all those cool old games in one unit. In fact, there isn’t even a console. These games are so old school, all the computer power needed to run the games can be fit into the controller, which hooks directly to your TV. No cartridges or floppy disks or cd-rom’s. It’s like heaven on earth. I swear I looked at any number of web sites like Best Buy or Circuit City for this thing, but I never found it. I would keep checking from time to time as the months went by. Finally, last week, I found it. I was hopeful.
Today it was like a bell went off. When I went to the door, I saw a little bundle of joy left by the mail man. Yes, it’s here. See you in a month or so. Who knows? Maybe by then, someone other than me will have visited this site.
UPDATE: Please come back tomorrow. You know I was just kidding, right? Anyone? Hello?
The Next Time I Have To Come In Here, I’m Cracking Skulls! What Movie?
Picture the American west of perhaps 150 years ago. For someone in New York or elsewhere in the well-settled American east, those clod-hoppers were vulgar, violent and uncouth, not civilized like New Yorkers. However, for people in the American west, being vulgar, violent and uncouth were survival skills.
We live in such comfort now that we’ve forgotten that sometimes a little skull-cracking is necessary. I must also say that over the last couple of weeks, I have started seeing examples on TV of various Iraqi Governing Council types saying positive things about their country, negative things about terrorists, and grateful things about the US. It isn’t always enough to know you’re doing the right thing. The constant bad newsy, scare-mongering, America is evil, force-feeding from big media can wear a person down. Iraqis are grateful for us? I’m grateful for them. I’m hopeful.
I’ve got the New Iraqis, Frank J, and my high energy CD. Life is good.
Who Watches The Watchmen? Part Two
Key bit: “I just imagine hearing some country-and-Western song over a loudspeaker at NASCAR: 'Hang them n-- up high! Hang them n-- up high!' I'm not going to no NASCAR,” Lee vows in the August issue of Playboy.
I’m confused. I thought Spike Lee was against stereotyping groups and applying individual characteristics to large numbers of people. However, further review shows he wasn’t wearing RCL’s, Mr. Dymally’s or otherwise. Reports indicate it is actually his skill as a filmmaker that allows him to “imagine” things like this. But how can I respect Lee or his films when he has shown himself to be a racist and a bigot? The mote. The beam. Blah blah blah.
Then we have poor Nader, who went to an exciting meeting, which I heard about here. As the editorial “We” noted, even without the F-word, pointing out the whiteness of Nader seems strange. Congressman Watt somehow determined that him telling Nader not to run is an example of an “arrogant white man telling us what we can do.”
Use your imagination, my little angels. If whites had been saying these sorts of things about African-Americans, figurative bolts of lightning would have blasted down on them from all over. Just ask Trent Lott.
So what can us crackers do? What defense or recourse do we have? Well, when faced with a problem, one guide for action might be to look at others who have had similar problems. Let’s see, can I think of anyone in the world, attacks against whom are downplayed or ignored, and whose restrained efforts at self defense are condemned? All I can think of are the Jews. And that would make African-Americans comparable to Palestinian terrorists. Ooops. No. I can’t say something like that. It’s unfair, bigoted, and stereotypical. What’s more, I’m not allowed to say something like that. After all, I’m not an African-American like Spike Lee or Congressman Watt.
I Really Am A Bad Citizen
UPDATE: Problem solved.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Can It Be?
Anyway, I think I saw that Charles Rangel was arrested after blocking the entrance to the Sudanese embassy, I guess. He’s protesting Darfur, of which I look at headlines here without following the links. I know. I’m a bad citizen. Now this is good protest. He isn’t waving signs or smashing windows. Rangel is practicing true civil disobedience. Can’t the Advo-terrorists (term coined here) who plan to sabotage the GOP convention follow this sort of example? I mean I can’t remember any specific examples, but for some reason I always thought Rangel was kind of loony. And yet I see him on O’Reilly all the time. Now that I think of it, O’Reilly likes having him there for the same reasons I like Rangel’s protest methodology: he is respectful of those who might disagree. Oh my goodness, can I really be saying we need more Charles Rangel’s in the world? I guess I am. Outside of Darfur, he and I may never disagree, but unlike most Democrats and loony lefties, I feel like I could actually discuss things with him in a civil fashion, and maybe even be friends.
UPDATE: Scattered reports of airborne pigs beginning to come in.
May Not Reflect Reality
Monday, July 12, 2004
Ummmm Yeah. Did I Mention Ego? Part Two
Maybe I do want to be an evil dictator.
Today, your humble correspondent entered his name into Google. No keywords this time. Just the name. Did I see the familiar no results match your search rejection I normally get? Oh no. Not this time baby! Right there in black and white, I mean, blue and white, you know what I mean, I saw it. Results 1 of 1. Lord Floppington. Ego…huge! Must…crush…something…in…pointless…display…of…power!
The buzz kill came a few lines down: "Did you mean to search for: Lord Foppington?"
That bastard? Results 1 of 468. Shit!
UPDATE: Has anyone besides me even been here?
After checking that out, I could even imagine this guy here going on the radio with him.
But never in a million years would I have expected them on this show here.
One main theme of the interview is that just because someone disagrees with you, even if they are wrong, does not mean that they are evil. Except Hillary.
Maybe They Don’t All Hate America, But…
We all know that, you say. And I would have agreed with you. Until I saw this on FNC (stupid website doesn’t show it at this time). Protesters plan to visit the GOP convention later this summer, and you’ve seen these types before at WTO and other summits. Turns out, there may be a new weapon in their arsenal. That’s right, it’s not enough to annoy hard-working people who don’t give a rat’s ass about their incoherent message. It’s not enough to destroy public and private property, which doesn’t do anything but make people hate you and cost innocent people money. It’s not even enough to assault innocent bystanders and law enforcement officials. Turns out, police have a new concern: that protestors will rub gunpowder on their clothes, go on trains or other public places, attract the attention of bomb sniffing dogs, and maybe make the Republican conventioneers evacuate Madison Square Garden.
There are many liberal groups that we might consider evil. There are some that have even been labeled as terrorist groups. You may have heard the terms Eco-terror or Enviro-terror before. Well now we may have a new group to name. Of course they will say they don’t want a terror attack. I also think that many of them believe this in their hearts. These individuals haven’t given enough thought to the situation. They don’t seem to comprehend that making it harder to stop terrorists makes terror attacks easier. And then you have the hard-core disciples who, in between bestiality sessions (no wonder they want to save the animals!), will whisper to each other that they do wish another terror attack would happen so we could really learn our lesson. An Oompa-Loopa told me one of these people has the same initials as a popular candy bar. I haven't found a second source for that yet.
I dub them: Advo-Terrorists.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
My Ego Is Such A Whore.
Here is the most recent winning council post, here is the most recent winning non-council post, here is the list of results for the latest vote, and here is the initial posting of all the nominees that were voted on.
Noooo Future! Noooo Future! Nooo Future For Me! What Song?
“You are a WEDL--Wacky Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you an anarchist. You don't give a damn. When push comes to shove, you just forget about it--it's just not worth the heartache. What this means for others is that dealing with you can be aggravating, because they find they can't get you motivated about things they care about. What this means for you is that you are happier, calmer, and saner then they are on their best days.
You are near-immune to criticism, and those who know you well acknowledge and respect that. You may come across as lazy, but the truth is that you find little to get worked up about. Regardless, you have slews of friends, because they are fascinated by your world view, jealous of your lifestyle, and drawn to the fact that you are hilarious to be around.
You are a pillar in a sea of hot-bloodedness. You have a sweet tooth.”
At the end, you get a chance to look at other personality types. There is also a disclaimer. It tells you that if the results seem off a little, look at your score and see if you are cuspy. There are four ranges that combine for your personality: Wacky/Sober, Rational/Emotional, Constructive/Destructive, and Leader/Follower. Each of these four ranges is graded on a scale of 1-100. If your score is 45-55, you may be cuspy, and might be better represented by the opposite quality. Here are the results that gave me the WEDL personality: Wacky 62/100, Rational 52/100, Constructive 50/100, and Leader 60/100. Not very decisive of me, is it? And yet. Anarchist struck me funny. I thought I was more conservative. Then again, when I was compiling some music CD’s, and labeled one high energy, I only noticed later that the songs I picked were mostly punk rock songs. I remember at the time thinking that the messages were pretty negative for such upbeat music. Oh well. I still like it. Anyway, the first paragraph seems pretty good, but the second seems way off. Before looking at my cuspy options, I have to ask a question.
I took the test seriously, and answered as honestly as I could. My results above do not seem to match the life I am living. The question: Does this mean the test result is flawed, or that it is accurate, and I am not living my “true” life? Am I not following my bliss? I dunno. I suppose I wish some things were different about my life, but I think everyone does. Anyway, on to the cuspiness. Crap. I got booted. To get to the assorted types, I had to take the quiz again and I got different results. This one seems off base even more. Oh wait. I did get the same number on the Rational/Emotional scale both times. That’s interesting. But I better stick with the first results. I started out WEDL, with cuspy E and D. So my other options seem to be WRDL (Enemy of the State), WECL (People‘s Advocate), or WRCL (Golden God). Lemme check those out. They’re all way off. Forget it. I’ll just read all of them and tell you which is right.
Oh here’s a nice exercise. What if I pick the letters I think fit, and then see where that takes me. W is good. I buy the wacky. Rational is good. I’m all for it. I’m a little waffly on Constructive/Destructive. Give me a minute. I’m sure I’m more of and F than an L. Ok that leaves me WRCF or WRDF. Crap. Stupid Germans. Now I have to take it over again. Ahhhhh ha ha ha. Ok third time through I ended up with the same overall results as the first try. Rational/Emotional got the same score again! So back to my two choices. WRCF is close, but so is WRDF. I should have just read all of them.
That’s better. Having read them all, I’ve narrowed myself down to two. SEDL (Dictator) or SEDF (Evil Genius). Why don’t I just pick out the key bits and construct my own category.
You are LF--Lord Floppington. This makes you an apathetic evil genius who will never be motivated enough to earn world dictatorship, but would accept it as an inheritance. What this means for others is that dealing with you can be aggravating, because they find they can't get you motivated about things they care about. You may come across as lazy, but the truth is that you find little to get worked up about. You are depressive, listless, and difficult to motivate. You feel that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should. You may be too sensitive to others’ reactions, especially criticism. With luck, you have learned to channel your energies into improving your intellect, rather than destroying the weak and unsuspecting.
Your self-opinion and mood depends greatly on those around you. You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere. You probably weren't very popular in high school.
You think fast and have a smart mouth. Your friends may find you remote and a hard nut to crack. Few of your peers know you very well--even those you have known a long time--because you have expert control of the face you put forth to the world. Socially, you are awkward. You may not be particularly exciting, but you can be strangely endearing, as long as you are funny and self-deprecating. You feel misunderstood, and you probably are.
You have a sweet tooth. You are kind of a tool. You may explode. You may go insane. You are probably a week away from snapping. You don't give a damn.
So my question for you, my cultish legions, is where can I find the quiz that gives my result?
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Not Quite Van Halen
Lord Of The Flies Alert
Ummmm Yeah. Did I Mention Ego?
Who Let The Bulls Out? Moo! Moo! Moo!
Although this one is actually worth it, mainly because it includes the phrase “butted in the rear.” No matter how you slice it, that’s a great line to read in a newspaper.
But really, do we need these again? Don’t we all know this already? What, are we going to see more obvious headlines? Here's a list of the Top Ten Obvious Headlines.
10. National Science Foundation Confirms Earlier Reports: Two Plus Two Does Equal Four.
9. NASA Study Determines Sun Is Hot.
8. Car Accidents Often Involve Cars, Says Highway Patrol.
7. John Bobbit: “Home Cock-ectomy Is Painful.”
6. Survey Reveals Wheelchair Bound Would Prefer Walking.
5. American Medical Association: Those Who Breathe Need Air
4. France Sucks.
3. Greenspan Declares: “Money Can Buy Stuff.”
2. John Wayne Kicks Ass.
1. Hillary = Evil, God Says.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Who Watches The Watchmen?
“But the organizer, state Assemblyman Mervyn Dymally, D-Los Angeles, abruptly canceled it after an apparent mix-up over the girl's racial background. Dymally was quoted in the San Jose Mercury News Thursday saying the child was ‘a little African-American girl. Would he (Riordan) have done that to a white girl?’ The girl is white, with blond hair. Dymally did not return telephone calls. His office issued a statement Wednesday calling Riordan's remarks to the girl ‘outrageous and irresponsible’ but issued a statement under the Assemblyman's name Thursday saying, ‘To err is human; to forgive is divine.’"
So my question is, who committed the error, and who is being forgiven? I was not there, but I don’t feel especially traumatized by what Riordan said. Look have you ever heard someone say to a kid, “You little stinker,” or something similar in a joking silly way? Of course you have. For me, this is the sort of comment Riordan made. Big deal. He apologized and the kid is doing just fine. But what’s up with Mr. Dymally? I guess we know where his head is at. He doesn’t seem to be concerned with American issues or California issues, his focus is the racial issue. And he’s so far gone that he is now seeing racial issues even in circumstances that don’t involve race. Big deal?
Well, maybe. What must life be like for someone like this? Maybe it’s like contact lenses. They sit there on your eyes, and you can perceive nothing that hasn’t been filtered by them. Racial Contact Lenses. The anger a person like this must feel. If the drive up window gets your order wrong, it’s because a bunch of racists are working in there. Life isn’t perfect. Nobody is. If you asked for no onions on your burger and you got onions? Stuff happens. Didn’t get a job? Must have been that racist supervisor. Never mind that if fifty people apply for one position, by definition forty-nine of them won’t be hired. Get in trouble for committing a crime? It’s just that racist justice system. Have I reached absurdity yet? No, not yet. Look what else I found about Mr. Dymally.
Simeon Gant wrote this article. I don’t think I’m taking items from the article out of context, but read the whole thing and keep me honest.
"Sacramento – On Thursday, Assemblyman Mervyn Dymally, D-Compton, shelved his bill that would have equalized punishment for possession of cocaine base (“crack”) for sale with the same crime involving powder cocaine. Current sentencing guidelines result in a pattern of racial discrimination with African-Americans serving longer prison sentences than Latinos and Whites convicted of similar crimes...
Although African-Americans account for only 6.4 percent of the state population, statistics from the attorney general’s office indicate that African Americans accounted for 66.5 percent of crack cocaine convictions in 2000 and 2001. Whites made up only 3.4 percent of such convictions.
The disparity in sentencing and the racial breakdown of crack versus cocaine convictions results in a criminal justice system in which African-Americans are serving significantly longer sentences than whites for the same crime."
Let’s start with the first bit. Please notice the words “similar crimes.” Well, there are many different levels of manslaughter and murder type crimes. They involve different sentences. But they’re similar too in that all of them end up with somebody dead. If a child drowns in your pool, should you really get the same sentence as a revenge killer who tortured his victim? You’ll note at the end Mr. Gant has managed to switch from “similar” to “same”. But they aren’t the same. If it was the same, they wouldn’t have two laws. And guess what? There’s a third law and it deals with heroin. And another law for pot. And other laws for other drugs. See, they need different laws because the drugs are different. And so it goes for powder cocaine and crack cocaine. What’s that? You say they both come from the same base material? Therefore they are really the same? Ummmm. Well, tell that to your gas tank when you fill it up with oil. They’re both petroleum based, and yet they’re not the same. Reread this section a few times if you need to. I’ll wait. Back? Ok, good.
I’m lazy, but even I can do enough research to tell at least one relevant difference between crack cocaine and powder cocaine. Here’s what the Indiana Prevention Research Center at Indiana University has to say in its discussion of various forms of cocaine: “Crack cocaine is especially dangerous because of its high addiction potential.” Strange. Giving a stronger sentence for a drug that is especially dangerous. What could they have been thinking? Since it seems the difference in sentences is justifiable medically or scientifically speaking, there must be some other reason. Let me borrow Mr. Dymally’s RCL’s.
Ahhhhh. Now I see. He’s not angry that people who commit more serious crimes aren’t punished the same as people who commit less serious crimes. He’s angry that African-Americans who commit more serious crimes aren’t punished the same as Latinos and Whites who commit less serious crimes. Still doesn’t work for you? You gotta wear the RCL’s. Then you’ll see the evidence that shows how it’s racist for more serious criminals to get more time than less serious criminals. You see, it’s racist because African-Americans are only 6.4% of California’s population, but they make up 66.5% of crack cocaine convictions in California in 2000 and 2001. Ok, lenses off. Even for sarcasm I can’t take any more.
Where to begin? THE TWO NUMBERS ARE TOTALLY UNRELATED! How’s that? 6.4% tells us the proportion of African-Americans in California. 66.5% tells us the proportion of convicted crack cocaine users who happen to be African-American. Again, reread if you need to. Mr. Dymally would have you believe that law enforcement seeks African-Americans to arrest. No. They seek crack cocaine users to arrest. If they happen to be African-American, so what? Population is irrelevant. It is a totally phony issue created by people I like to call Populationists. Let’s have a ridiculous example, just for fun. Professional sports. ‘Nuff said.
Let’s think of all the things Mr. Dymally’s Populationist position implies. For one thing, Nixon wouldn’t have to resign. After all, you couldn’t impeach him and kick him out of office. If you did, 100% of impeached presidents would be White, but Whites, even then, didn’t make up 100% of the population. And does Mr. Dymally really want to allow only 6.4% of California’s African American children to go to college? If he’s a Strict Populationist, he would have to say yes. One might not agree with Strict Populationism, but one could still have some measure of respect for consistency of principle.
The more likely case is that Mr. Dymally is a Hypocritical Populationist. This sort of person will embrace Populationism only in cases in which he perceives some desirable end may be achieved. In other cases, Populationism is avoided. I’m pretty sure Mr. Dymally doesn’t want to limit African-American college attendance, so it seems he would be in this second category.
Oh. And back to my question about Mr. Dymally's statement. What bugs me is the statement could be read to say that Riordan erred by being "outrageous and irresponsible" and that Mr. Dymally is willing to forgive him. This troubles me because when I first read it, the sequence of events in the article made me think Mr. Dymally was apologizing for his own outrageous and irresponsible statement. So which is it? If you can answer that, maybe you can help me with the psychology that automatically associates the word "dirty" with being African-American.