Friday, July 23, 2004


I Aim To Kill You In About One Minute Ned. What Movie?

I may or may not have mentioned that my schedule here will be impacted next week when distant relatives come to town and invade the hermitage. They’ll be getting here Wednesday, here for a couple of nights, then on Friday we go to the wedding. We’re there for a couple of nights, then on Sunday, I should be back. They’ll be going on to the ocean or someplace. I may leave on Monday to join them. Or not. Anyway, while they’re here or I’m gone, my blogging time will be limited. I’m already working to put together some prefab goodies for you, so I can just do quick postings of stuff already written. Plus maybe a lost tale from the musical festival I attended. That should be good for Weds, Thurs, Fri, but Saturday, I won’t have anything for you. Sunday I should be back and ready to post again. So what does that have to do with killing someone, in about one minute or otherwise?

As a single type guy, I set a bad example. I am not as tidy as I could be. Plus I just cleaned the garage. So early on garbage pick-up day, I put out the thirteen bags of trash. Not including Britney Spears. I should explain our system here. Everyone has one can. I can also put out bags of trash, like the thirteen plastic lawn and garden size bags I put out there. I’m supposed to call and let them know how many bags I’m putting out. They charge extra for each bag. Well, I didn’t call. By the time I was done and knew how many bags I had, it was pretty late. Besides, I hate phones. Ask me later. Plus, I told myself I would label the bags, claiming them as mine, and that would take care of it just fine. Turns out no. I got red tagged. When a customer screws up, he gets a tag on the can. It’s a checklist, and they check off their infractions. But now that I think of it, did I get a red tag last time? Or was it yellow? And was it green the first time? Am I nearing the end of my allowable infractions? If so, what happens when I commit that one violation too many? First tag I got was marked “can too heavy.” Second tag, “Animal waste must be in a sealed/tied bag or container.” Today’s tag, “Extra bags must be called in the day before pick-up.” So I had to go back out and haul the bags back in again. All thirteen of them. Wait a minute. Thirteen bags! No wonder it didn’t work out.

But really, what’s the big deal? It’s not like they took a smaller truck because I didn’t call in, and if they take my bags they’ll run out of room for the rest of the trash on their route. They knew who to bill. I put it right there on the bags. And now I have to haul these bags to our local unsightly hole reclamation project. But it’s a nice program. See there were all these really massive holes, and they were unsightly. Rumor has it someone told Michael Moore that there were undiscovered Twinkie mines in this area, and he dug each of these open pits with his bare hands. We didn’t want our community to be all pock-marked and cratery looking. We might have gotten nuked by mistake! Therefore, we decided we would do the environmentally conscious thing, and the safe thing, and fill in these unsightly holes. The only thing we could think of to put in them was our trash. So we’re disposing of our waste and reclaiming the environment. I’m only too happy to do my part to fight back against the damage Moore has done. Maybe thirteen bags wasn’t unlucky. I guess I don’t have to kill the garbage man after all.

Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?