Monday, January 31, 2005


Benevolent Dictator Update

Well of course you know that someday I want to be benevolent dictator.

You may even know that SUKA is busy creating the fearsome war machine that will make this possible. You can check out our primary strike force here.

Those who get seasick are drafted to our mighty ground forces, and you can see them marching in formation to some appropriate martial music here.

Our top secret air squadrons were caught on film here.

But I really called this update to announce a new power I am seeking. Our top scientists are even now laboring in secret laboratories to take this virtual power and deliver it to my crafty paws. Study carefully, my little angels, so that you will be ready when the revolution comes. Those who comment on this blog should consider themselves part of the enlightened elite who will assume dominance over their lesser peers when the SUKA revolution comes to pass.

Thanks as always to Incredibly Insightful Robert, who toils deep in the bowels of the earth to bubble up that magma-y goodness for the rest of us. Needless to say, he shall be one of the enlightened elite.

Actual Update: Yikes! I guess not even benelovent dictators are perfect. I really need to mention the supreme architect of our combined forces, General Joel Veitch. He's made it all possible through his hard work.

Sunday, January 30, 2005


Admit It Lefties, You Don't REALLY Prefer Saddam Over This, Do You?

Another Sunday is just beginning here in California as a historic Sunday is just ending in Iraq. Regardless of your feelings about what we've done in Iraq, if you have any concern about the future of civilization, this post is worth checking out. You go look now!

I wonder if the Founders felt like this after signing the Declaration?

Thursday, January 27, 2005


Important Science Breakthrough!!!

Note this article from Reuters:

Study Finds Most Bone Growth Occurs at Night


The article itself kind of takes the fun out of the headline, but you can read it here if you must.

Ok so maybe this post is a little immature, but come on! Do you see that headline? I couldn’t resist!

Closed? Whaaaa-?

So I stopped by Kinko’s to get some copies made today. Excuse me. FedEx-Kinko’s, or whatever they’re calling themselves now.

I will continue to call them Kinko’s, but I am very disappointed with them. For as long as I can remember, for as long as there’s been a Kinko’s, the brand has meant one thing to me: Kinko’s = open 24 hours.

So much for that. Imagine my surprise when I saw the sign saying Kinko’s will now be closed from 11PM to 6AM. How crappy is that? It’s like McDonald’s saying they’re not going to have hamburgers anymore.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


Wictory Wednesday . . .

. . . is a day when we take time to take stock of our nation, where we are, and where we’re going. You may recall that on past Wednesdays, we have pointed to ways to help President Bush and various candidates for senate. Now that the election is over, I figured Wictory Wednesday would become a thing of the past, an honored and fondly remembered part of a successful 2004 election cycle.

Then it occurred to me that all those people didn't turn out to vote just because of the last six months or so of campaigning. Republicans and Democrats both made a major effort ever since 2000 to register and motivate voters, building grassroots networks across the country. So rather than give up the ghost, Wictory Wednesday has been reborn, or born again, if you'll pardon the pun.

Today we're helping Rick Santorum again by donating here. You go look now!

Polipundit, who organizes the festivities each week, mobilizes the troops here. You go look now!

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


James Bond

There was a James Bond marathon two weekends ago on one of the cable channels. I sort of watched them, kept it on all the TV’s while I did other stuff for work and around here and around the house. At some point, I decided I should write about them, and how much they suck. Or how much they don’t. When it comes to Bond films, I guess we should discuss gadgets, villains, cool stunts, longevity, and who plays Bond. I’ll give each area a thumbs up or down for its contribution to overall Bond excellence or suckiness. Let me emphasize again that I did not carefully study each film.

Gadgets are cool. I like the cool toys Bond gets to play with. I don’t get hung up on how realistic or “possible” they might be in the real world. Who knew they could pack so much stuff into watches and cars. The occasional shoe weapon is also fun. I’ll grant you that any movie can have cool gadgets, but Bond films have brought us a lot of gadgets over the years. Thumbs up for gadgets.

Villians are another matter. Thing is, for all the money the bad guys have to spend to carry out their plots, they could be knee deep in hookers and Cheetos til the day they die. What are they really hoping to gain? World domination? Who wants that headache? Throw the world economy into chaos? What’s going to be so much better for them if they’re successful? Maybe if I had followed the plots more closely, I’d have a better understanding. Feel free to enlighten me. The only two villains I can remember are Goldfinger and Jaws, coincidentally easy to remember because they’re both also movie titles. And yes, I realize Jaws was not a Bond movie. Oh, and Oddjob, but he was memorable Goldfinger’s right hand man. Vader didn’t need a movie named after him, and you don’t see Hannibal Lecter’s name anywhere in the title of Silence of the lambs. I would suggest that these are good examples of memorable villains, not just easily remembered names. Ask yourself how many Bond villains the average Joe knows the name of, and you’ll likely find that they are the same three I mentioned. Bond villains get a thumbs down.

Cool stunts. Any movie can have these, and can do them better, which leaves me in the same frame of mind as the villains. Thumbs down.

Longevity must be a factor somehow. If the movies totally sucked, we wouldn’t still see a new one every couple of years. On the other hand, if we give it enough time, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street may still catch Bond. Marginal thumbs up for longevity.

And that leaves us with who plays Bond. I prefer Sean Connery, followed distantly by Pierce Brosnan. The others I don’t really care for. Brosnan may be a special case because someone of my age might say he is “my” James Bond. If I’ve seen a Bond film in theaters, he was the one in it. However, I can also admit that he is not some compelling actor that I would seek out in other films. Come to think of it, has he made any other films? Yikes, thumbs down for him then. But Connery, of course, is Connery. I do like him in other movies, and he would be up there as one of my favorite actors. So out of five (?) Bonds, I like one of them. As strong as Sean Connery is, he can’t turn this area into a thumbs up. Marginal thumbs down.

So I end up with two definite thumbs down and one marginal thumbs down, along with one definite and one marginal thumbs up. Cross cancel and carry the thumb, and I get a clean thumbs down on Bond. I should say the marathon was rather freeing, since I didn’t have to look for something new every two hours. Aside from that, I am not likely to sit and watch a Bond movie even on cable, and even if it’s a new Bond movie fresh from the theaters.

Hell’s bells! I didn’t think I really had anywhere to go with this post, but it went somewhere.

Monday, January 24, 2005


Test Your Knowledge. Part Five

Crap. How did I know this would be my result? Well I didn’t, but I guess there’s some sort of cosmic harmony to it. It's almost as if there was some hidden . . . force . . . or something assuring that this would be my destiny. Oh wait, wrong sci-fi franchise. But I have read a couple of his books, so maybe that helped.

Your Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You're a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door
With more than a touch of geekiness

Who's Your Famous Blogger Twin?

Here’s the one book I read, and here’s the other, which has fresh material and an expanded look at some of the stuff from the first one. Even if you’re not a Trek fan, you might at least check out Dancing Barefoot, which is a quick and fun read. You may find yourself saying “Hey, this guy can write, too!” And if you are a Trek fan, you’ll definitely find something to like in these books. Or you can just get a taste of the day to day at Wil Wheaton’s own blog here. You go look now!

Thanks as usual to Test Screener Robert.

Friday, January 21, 2005


Team Magnum Cocktail Hour. Part Nine

Ok so the pictures are all done; we went Hawaiian style, which means everyone got leid (ba-dum-bump). But the main topic of conversation was about the ethics of dating clients. That was a no-brainer, of course. But what if it’s a client from let’s say five years ago, and you’ve just met the person again. Dr. Cool felt that certain lines are not meant to be crossed, but the rest of us were pretty easygoing about it. I mean if Neighbor Lady likes the guy, why not? Of course I was feeling generous because it was just her birthday, and now she’s officially the elder Team Magnum member for the next several months.

Mr. Texas called this meeting, and got the team photo organized, and now considers himself Mr. Wolf. Unfortunately, Princess Wolfie beat me to the reference check and got the free drink he offered to the first who could make the connection. Damn the luck! But I know I had the better quotes, so it’s a moral victory, even if I had to pay for my own beers.

Back to the client thing again, we try to maintain a professional distance from the clients, similar to the distance between officers and enlisted personnel in our military. Which might have been undermined when I bumped into a client right after we finished our beers and left. Thankfully it wasn’t this particularly flirty client I’ve been trying to find a way to pawn off on someone else.

Thursday, January 20, 2005


Asset Management

Alternate title: I still hate jerks.

There was a discussion about personal assets and using them to get what you want over at Witty Sex Kitten’s place a couple of weeks ago. So what better time to chip in than after everyone’s forgotten all about it. That discussion is here. You go remind yourself now!

I guess it boils down to good looking gals using that advantage to gain the sort of small favors that grease the wheels of their lives. One of the commenters noted that guys can do it too, and he has taken advantage of his looks in a similar fashion. I’ll take his word for it, as my own personal experience is not of that sort.

Some people object to this practice on the part of those who might be considered the aesthetic elites among us. These objections seem to imply that it is somehow improper, even shallow, to use looks to advantage. And there is a sort of smug satisfaction that they seem to feel when they point out that looks aren’t forever, that while there will always be hot twenty-six year olds, you’ll just get older and uglier.

Why the animosity? Do we look at great thinkers and gleefully imagine the day when they are old and senile and down at our mental level? Did people wish Parkinson’s on Picasso so he would be a less able painter, just like the rest of us? Do we sit around watching Michael Jordan and think about how we can’t wait for him to get so old that he can’t pull it off anymore? Unless we’re on the opposing team, no. And there’s your why. The Aesthetic Elites are doing something that we can’t, and some of us don’t like it. They’re jealous.

I’m just not sure I could honestly condemn someone for using one personal attribute (or maybe I should have said pair of attributes), while at the same time accepting and maybe even admiring someone who uses some other personal attribute (athletic prowess, intelligence, charm, charisma, courage, etc.) to get ahead. Who am I to judge? And how could I blame them anyway? They wouldn’t be doing it if it didn’t work, and the only way it works is if someone (usually of the opposite sex), some thinking person, lets it work. Face it, no matter how good looking you are, you still can’t walk through a solid brick wall, not even if you’re Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s kid. Turns out, positive results encourage behavior, while negative results discourage behavior. Go figure. That would probably explain why you never hear about someone getting their hand caught in a blender for a second time.

I don’t have a problem with good looking women marketing the assets, as it were. More drool fuel for me. Where I do have a problem is when the assets put an unqualified person in my way. Most times I just look and enjoy, so maybe it’s karma every time I run into a hot ditz running the register or taking my order. Think about it. How many hot chicks are working the grill at Burger King? If your answer doesn’t rhyme with hero, you’re fooling yourself. The hot chicks are always all over the register, putting out a pretty face to the public. It’s the non-hots that do the grunt work.

Which I’m all in favor of if the hottie can actually do her job. If she can’t, no amount of hotness is going to make me a happy customer. Well, maybe if there was a little touching involved. So I guess the final answer is that I hate stupid jerks, even when they’re hot babes.

Actual Update: Yeah, so I'm number eight of 388000 on Yahoo's search for "stupid random conversations". Go me!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005


Wictory Wednesday . . .

. . . is a day when we take time to take stock of our nation, where we are, and where we’re going. You may recall that on past Wednesdays, we have pointed to ways to help President Bush and various candidates for senate. Now that the election is over, I figured Wictory Wednesday would become a thing of the past, an honored and fondly remembered part of a successful 2004 election cycle.

Then it occurred to me that all those people didn't turn out to vote just because of the last six months or so of campaigning. Republicans and Democrats both made a major effort ever since 2000 to register and motivate voters, building grassroots networks across the country. So rather than give up the ghost, Wictory Wednesday has been reborn, or born again, if you'll pardon the pun.

Today we're helping Rick Santorum by donating here. You go look now!

Polipundit, who organizes the festivities each week, mobilizes the troops here. You go look now!


Harold And Kumar Go To Porn Castle

Recently I saw a commercial for Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle on dvd, and I noticed something that disturbed me. One of the main selling points of the dvd is that it has extras. Big deal. So do lots of other dvd’s. The key here is the type of extras. Without saying it directly, they strongly implied in this ad that these are extras they couldn’t show in theaters. If you get the extended Lord of the Rings, you’ll see extra footage that was probably only cut to keep the movie closer to three hours than four hours, a concession to how long someone might be able to sit in a theater. The White Castle footage, it is strongly implied, had to be cut to keep the rating low enough for teens or kids to see the movie. These “extras” seem to be of a sexual nature.

Again, big deal. And maybe that’s right, right now. But if a key selling point for a teen comedy movie on dvd is sexual stuff they couldn’t put in theaters, what happens if this thing sells really well, or even modestly well? I can’t point to any specific evidence, but I’ve gotten the impression over the last few years that a movie in a theater is only a small part of the money pie. You have all the merchandise. There’s the money the movie makes when it’s shown overseas. There also used to be video sales. All of these were faithful to the film you see in its original theatrical release.

DVD’s changed everything. Now you’ve got extras. Making of’s. Actor/director/producer commentaries. All as incentives to get people to buy the dvd. I mean really, did they ever do a making of Porky’s? No. They had nowhere to put it. Porky’s had some sexual situations, pretty much played for laughs. And even though I haven’t seen it, the extras in White Castle are likely to be flashes of bosomy regions, or maybe a hiney or two. But they’re championing the dvd based on those extras. And they call it the unrated version, another common trait of dvd’s now.

My question is, are makers of these teen comedy films going to start shooting a lot of extra scenes they know full well in advance aren’t going to be in the theater release, anticipating the chance to put them on the dvd and get extra sales that way?

In the last twenty-five years, our home video games have gone from Pong and Space Invaders to games where skimpy bikini girls play beach volleyball or wrestle in the ring. There may even be rumored cheat codes that render the bikini girls suddenly non-bikini. Will we find ten or fifteen years down the road that our teen comedy directors are slipping soft core extended make out scenes into the unrated versions of the dvd’s?

Take my word for it; if a dunderhead like me can think of it, what do you think a highly paid marketer is whispering into a director’s ear even as you read this?

Monday, January 17, 2005


I'm Not Dead

But neither have I been very considerate. Things are all Florida here. Sorry I didn't say something before, but they say good things come to those who wait. Unfortunately for you, your waiting will only give you something marginally adequate. Topics to come include how my anal nature matches up against Miss Lola's, the slippery slope of DVD extras, asset management, and whether or not James Bond sucks; plus, you'll have a chance to analyze me through media choices, so rev up your armchairs, citizen shrinks.

Thursday, January 13, 2005


“You See, I Learned Something Today.” What TV Show?

So I dropped by Miss Tori’s office and heard all kinds of good stuff. Lots of time shifting, so I’ll do my best to put things in order and keep this semi-coherent for the uninitiated. Ok back again from partway through. Looks like I’ll be giving you a big picture overview, and toss in the relevant things I learned today when appropriate. The links have extra details, but you can skip them and still get the general idea.

A couple of people had suggested quite a ways back that some of the old biddies at the office would try to set me up sooner or later. Princess Wolfie and Miss Blondie are not old, or biddies, but that didn’t stop them. In June 2004, Princess Wolfie told me that maybe Miss Lola liked me and Miss Blondie told me that maybe Miss Tori liked me. That sort of percolated.

Fast forward a few months to our team building exercise out of town. I had a blast, but apparently the actual old biddies weren’t satisfied with the way things went. I learned today that Tough Boss had told Princess Wolfie that there was some sort of goal for Miss Tori and I to spend a lot of time together there. Unfortunately for them, Miss Tori was rooming with the Little General, and their social circles didn’t really spend their free time with our group, which eventually became Team Magnum. Also at this retreat, I heard for the first time the rumor that Princess Wolfie and Drinking Buddy had hooked up there. I’m sure I must have told you somewhere that that didn’t happen. I’m sure I also told you that rumors about Princess Wolfie were part of the reason she put in for the new office. Yep, I did. Keep that in mind for later.

Fast forward again to the office Christmas dinner. You’ll recall that Princess Wolfie suggested, when we were still trying to get a minimum number of people, that I should ask Miss Lola to go. And that I took the cheesy option of sending her an email telling her about the dinner, without specifically asking her to go with me as a date. I learned today that after her suggestion at lunch that day, Princess Wolfie called Miss Lola, letting her know that I might be calling to ask her out to this dinner. When Miss Lola told this to Miss Tori I think the word was that it seemed “weird” when she got the email. At the time, she said she was busy doing something else. Which was fine, since people get busy, and I hadn’t really asked her out anyway. Looking back now, I’ll further rationalize by noting that she didn’t specify that she had to wash her hair.

You may also recall that a week later at the Team Magnum Christmas Party, Princess Wolfie served up a double, saying I should ask out Miss Tori or Miss Lola. I may even have mentioned that in Princess Wolfie’s eyes, Miss Tori was the slightly better overall match, with Miss Lola’s anal personality keeping her close in the running due to my own anal nature (I may have even told you it wasn’t that kind of anal, ya pervs!). So Princess Wolfie is some sort of matchmaker.

Except for this next thing I learned today. Miss Lola recently told Miss Tori that Princess Wolfie suggested in some fashion to Miss Lola that Miss Tori and I are more than just project co-managers. Neighbor Lady, who had just come in to Miss Tori’s office, got a good chuckle out of this, considering that I’d been chitter chattering with Miss Tori for an hour already. And I’m sure Tough Boss enjoyed passing by and seeing me in there. And then Neighbor Lady reminded me that a couple of weeks ago, someone had said that they heard Neighbor Lady tell Princess Wolfie that she liked me. Who knew I was such a stud? I’m like the Casanova Frankenstein of Rumoropolis. I should admit here that it’s been so long since I saw that movie, I have no idea if the reference even makes sense. I just always liked the name.

One thing I didn’t learn? Why in the heck would Princess Wolfie tell one girl she thinks I should go out with that I’m more than just co-managers with this other girl she thinks I should go out with? Hell, put that aside and answer me this: why on earth would someone who is transferring to a new office in part because she doesn’t like rumors being told about her, be telling rumors herself?

Since I’m never the subject of rumors, I guess I’ll be enjoying this for a while. In fact, Miss Tori and I agreed that we’re sharing sort of a bunker mentality, waiting to see what other wacky rumors we can have a laugh over.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005


Wictory Wednesday . . . (Back From Holiday Break!)

. . . is a day when we take time to take stock of our nation, where we are, and where we’re going. You may recall that on past Wednesdays, we have pointed to ways to help President Bush and various candidates for senate. Now that the election is over, I figured Wictory Wednesday would become a thing of the past, an honored and fondly remembered part of a successful 2004 election cycle.

Then it occurred to me that all those people didn't turn out to vote just because of the last six months or so of campaigning. Republicans and Democrats both made a major effort ever since 2000 to register and motivate voters, building grassroots networks across the country. So rather than give up the ghost, Wictory Wednesday has been reborn, or born again, if you'll pardon the pun.

Today we're helping Progress for America promote Social Security reform
by donating here. You go look now!

Polipundit, who organizes the festivities each week, mobilizes the troops here. You go look now!


Team Magnum Plays Hooky

So at the last cocktail hour, we did talk about one more thing.

Dr. Cool was telling us that he had met up with a few people a while back, and went to a reasonably close gambling emporium. This was instead of coming in to the office. Miss Judi, Princess Wolfie and I were suitably jealous. And a little miffed, in a good natured way, that we hadn’t been invited. How could we make this right?

We’re playing hooky! We picked a date. I’ll be sure to let you know how it went after. And we sealed the deal on a napkin, each of us signing on to take a mental health day, meet up, and have fun. Which we will.

Now that that’s out of the way, can anyone confirm or deny that the Laffer curve was first written on a cocktail napkin?

Monday, January 10, 2005


Test Your Knowledge. Part Four

Another double shot. This time we get to delve into the mind and soul of your future benevolent dictator. Then take the quizzes and get your own results!

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Eh. I guess bits and pieces might be accurate, but then again, anyone reading that could probably say the same.

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I guess that one could be half right. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which half. Either way, it’s a pretty lame sounding soul, especially with white horses galloping through the surf.

Many thanks, as usual, to Incredibly Insightful Robert, unofficial quiz screener.

Sunday, January 09, 2005


Odds And Ends

Just some quickies here and there.

First of all, Miss King happened to observe me with some clients. Later she tells me that for some of them, it’s like therapy talking to me. Which is an interesting and semi-positive thing to say, I guess.

Recently I went and saw that Jim Carrey movie Criminy Frickit: A Series Of Unfunny Events. Well, that’s what the title should have been. Was this supposed to be a kid’s movie or something? It just did not work for me. Blindingly stupid characters were fine in Dumb and Dumber, but here they were just annoying. And the kids. I mean really, aren’t we all sick of babies? Especially talking babies? The brother wasn’t much better. He knows everything, as long as he’s read it in a book. Apparently his parents didn’t have any books about how to effectively communicate with others. Big sister is even worse. Not since “Form of an eagle!” and “Shape of a bucket of water!” have we had such a lame power invocation. Get this. When she wants to use her super inventing powers, she ties her hair up in a nice ribbon. How sweet. How cute. They must have thought the whole hair ribbon thing would keep us from noticing that she’s a MacGyver ripoff.

Finally, we’ve had some discussion recently about bathroom etiquette. I think Witty Sex Kitten and I can both breathe a sigh of relief that we don’t live in Germany, where they use these toilets here. You go look now.

And thanks to the big cheese for the tip.

Me want food now. No more typing.

Saturday, January 08, 2005


Red Alert!

Hey I need a hat. I don't particularly care for baseball type caps. Or cowboy hats. I'm fairly flexible otherwise. I'll be wearing black. This hat should be a normal hat (no beer hats or viking helmets), with the potential for looking a little silly. Rather short turnaround time means it will have to be something I'm likely to find in local shopping areas rather than ordering from somewhere. Annnnnnnnnd GO!

“You Don’t Have To Worry About Me. I Won A Contest.” What TV Show?

Just on the off chance, I wanted to take a moment to welcome anyone visiting from two of my favorite kitties. Witty Sex Kitten readers, meet Empress Kitty’s readers.

WSK was kind enough to toss you my way from her post on “asset” management here. If you didn’t come here from there, you go look now!

You have probably seen caption contests here and there. Well, in the most recent one hosted by Empress Kitty, your humble correspondent was declared dominant over the masses who were not quite as capable. All three of them. Or was it two? In any event, victory is mine! The photo in question is here, and the proclamation of my triumph is here. If you didn’t come here from there, you go look now!

Update: I knew I was missing something from last night. Team Magnum is going to play hooky from work soon. More later.

Update II: More on the "asset" management issue later as well.

Friday, January 07, 2005


Team Magnum Cocktail Hour. Part Eight

Alternate title: It’s Déjà Vu All Over Again

For some of you at least. I guess most of the focus of this report will be on Miss Lola. You can read the pertinent stuff here.

Turns out I had some of the details wrong. But Miss Judi has a few in her and she was fired up this time. So let me give you some rather more accurate background.

Ok we still have Miss Lola and Wesley and Beverly. I was a little off before. Miss Lola still has a crush on Wesley. She cooks him meals. She does laundry for him. Not all the time, but occasionally. She has also helped him out with money. And then there’s Beverly.

Beverly is Wesley’s other woman. I had understood previously that Beverly was also in a Miss Lola situation. Turns out, she’s actually sleeping with Wesley! So he’s got the sex girlfriend, and Miss Lola and her services.

What about Wesley? Princess Wolfie gives him a C-. A couple of beers later, she adjusts this to a D. For other women. For herself, Wesley is an F. This is as far as attractiveness is concerned. Neither myself nor Dr. Cool asked for our grades. But I’m not sure if we can trust Princess Wolfie completely on this, at least as far as other women are concerned. Now I haven’t met Wesley, but I suspect PW’s emotions got the better of her. She and Miss Judi have a rather dim view of Wesley, who they see as taking advantage of Miss Lola. I’m going to guess he’s a C+, at least once his personality kicks in. I’ll let you know how it turns out.

So Dr. Cool, Miss Judi, Princess Wolfie and I are trying to figure out why Miss Lola would still be putting up with this after three years, which is how long she has known Wesley. The gals both think that Miss Lola is somehow living in a little fantasy world, as far as Wesley is concerned. That Miss Lola is somehow telling herself that she and Wesley are like girlfriend-boyfriend or something, or that there is this possible future for them. Miss Judi happened to learn that Wesley has “affirmed” his feelings for Beverly. You know what I mean.

Miss Judi, trying to be a good friend, made an effort to break through the Wesley bubble Miss Lola was living in. And Miss Lola didn’t want to hear it. And Miss Judi felt Miss Lola was giving her the cold shoulder at the cocktail hour. Naturally, we’re discussing this after Miss Lola had left. And Miss Judi was ticked. How dare Miss Lola treat her that way? Here she is, trying to get Miss Lola to wake up and smell the coffee, why can’t Miss Lola appreciate the effort? Whenever Miss Judi would look at Miss Lola, Miss Lola would look away. Kind of ignoring her.

I told Miss Judi that sometimes there are things that people are just not ready to hear. And I agreed that it can be frustrating when people don’t live their lives the way we think they should. I was being sarcastic, but she was just tipsy enough to take it as sympathetic commiseration.

Now Dr. Cool is not fully convinced. He is at least willing to consider the possibility that maybe Miss Lola has been getting some sort of encouragement from Wesley. I think that, like me, he would prefer not to believe that Miss Lola could be so foolishly letting herself be taken advantage of.

This is the same Miss Lola who Princess Wolfie suggested I ask out. Well, I should say that Miss Lola was a close second, after Miss Tori. Remind me about her later. Now really, if Miss Lola is living in some sort of fantasyland, is she really someone I would want to go out with?

We got sidetracked for a bit when Dr. Cool defended Miss Lola by saying maybe she had had some “affirmation” from Wesley. You see, in the three years she had known Wesley, Miss Lola hadn’t dated anyone else. Dr. Cool could not see how she could go three years without sex. Therefore, she must have gotten something from Wesley, and simply hadn’t told anyone about it. Princess Wolfie asked Dr. Cool what his limit was. How long could he go without sex before he started to really feel it? Thirty hours was his answer. No one else offered a number, but did agree that three years was an exceedingly long time. Princess Wolfie even ventured a guess that Miss Lola might still be a virgin.

At this point, I was sort of wondering if my “expertise” in this area might be called upon. But nobody said anything. Nobody asked me what my limit might be. I suppose I could tell myself that means something, but Princess Wolfie tossed the question out there, Dr. Cool volunteered an answer, and we moved on.

I guess maybe that’s about it. As usual, a good time was had by all.

Thursday, January 06, 2005


Four Singles And A General

We had another little group work day, not unlike this one which taught me some new vocabulary.

Once again, Little General, Neighbor Lady, Miss Straight and Miss Tori were present. Funny thing about these meetings is that as much personal as professional items are discussed. I knew this all along, but it stood out in my mind at this meeting when at one point Little General left and Neighbor Lady noted that we’re all single and what are we doing about it.

You already know what I’m doing about it, which is diddly (not diddling, ya pervs!). Miss Tori is pretty much the same. Miss Straight and Neighbor Lady seem to have put a bit more thought into it.

Neighbor Lady and Miss Straight each have two kids, one boy and one girl. This is one reason why neither of them is in a relationship. Both of them are very busy with kids. Miss Straight will be out of that situation in a couple of years, and Neighbor Lady has maybe closer to eight years to go.

Neighbor Lady’s son Pompy started high school this year, and thinks he is a man and all that. What’s he going to think of a new guy around? And what about Little K? NL wants to be sure to set a good example for her daughter.

But really, NL feels she isn’t in the right place mentally or emotionally to have a relationship. Which is fine. If I was interested in introspection, I might very well discover the same thing about myself. Then again, some might say I’ve never been quite right, at least mentally.

Then there’s Miss Straight, who tells it straight. She’s not going to have sex. She might not be holding out til marriage, but it would have to be a major relationship. Long-term and all that. She heard somewhere that the average is for sex to happen on the third date, which was completely ridiculous to her. And so she’s decided she won’t be having sex. Big deal. I’m doing the same thing as her, just not on purpose.

But what if I did have a choice? Problem is, I would still have a conscience. I guess I am semi older now. It’s not like I’m twenty again and can have lots of casual fun, knowing that several years down the line I can settle down for a more permanent arrangement. Or maybe I should say I have an impression that women my age are looking for the more serious long-term thing. Or maybe they aren’t, cause how would I know? I know guy stuff like the sex appeal of tattoos and toilet seat etiquette.

Maybe this is the question: Could I have sex with a woman if I knew I wasn’t interested in a long-term situation with her? If she’s on the same page, sure. But if we’re on date three, and we haven’t discussed the future, what then? It’s easy right now to say that some sort of clarifying discussion should probably take place first, but in the moment? Well, conscience only goes so far. Far enough? I dunno. I’ll let you know if it ever comes up.

Maybe I should just watch that Seinfeld episode again.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005


To Pee, Or Not To Pee. . .

Did you really think I could title this anything else?

I pondered this a bit when pleasure muse Witty Sex Kitten (and let me just congratulate myself here because, so far, I have managed to catch it every time I accidentally type Wild Sex Kitten by mistake) first brought it up, but I never quite got to it. The fact that it happened again spurred me to slothful action.

Sharing a bathroom has never been high on my priorities of things to do before I die. As an only child, I was fortunate enough to never have to share. Even during the marriage years, she got the “guest” bathroom (bigger mirror, more counter space) and I got the illogically punier “master” bath. Which was fine with me. The sick part is this. Even living alone, my habit was to lock the door. She finally cured me of this by appealing to logic. What if something happened to me while I was in there, and she couldn’t get in because it was locked? So I guess she had a point. After all, something like that happened when I was younger. Ask me later if you really need the details. And so I gave up that one little bit of my irrational prudery and got used to it.

But I never got used to sharing. And made a pretty consistent effort to avoid it, even in the new place, which only had one bathroom. I made a brief mention somewhere (a quick one-liner, I’m definitely not going to look for it) of a certain experiment in the physics of aiming, just to prove a point, but that was the exception that proved the rule.

So I would have to say that I’m pretty much against “performing” with an audience. I had always thought that unless you were “into” that sort of thing (and yes, this time I do mean it that way, ya pervs), you were pretty solidly against it. WSK’s experience has proven me wrong. My theory that Mr. Marine may have become adjusted to common facilities doesn’t appear to apply to VB#1.

Of course, none of this explains why I didn’t mind so much being a puke assistant.

I should also say that it’s not all potty talk over there. Witty Sex Kitten wrote about her Vegas New Year’s adventure here. You go look now!

She also held forth on modern feminist issues here. You go look now! Yes, even you men. It’s not painful to read, I promise you.

Plus, she can pull a mean Bull Durham quote out of her ass (and no, not that way, ya pervs!). So how cool is that?

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


Will Eisner, Comics Legend, Dead At Age 87

I didn’t think I was seeing enough of this, so I thought I’d add it here. This piece from the AP is pretty informative if you’ve never heard of him.

There is an announcement on Will Eisner’s site here. You can also read a short but very thorough and up to date biography on his site here.

I found it thanks to this Dean Esmay, who did a much better job than I just did, here.

Actual Update: Thanks again to Big D for this really nice piece from the NYT here.

No, Not That #37

You may recall this post headlined with the title “’Wake Up, Number 37.’ What Movie?”

Feel free to guess if you like, since nobody got it the first time around. However, it occurred to me that I might need to clarify that I’m definitely not associating Allie Cat with the significant use of the same number in Clerks. Feel free as well to guess why it was important in that movie.

Saturday, January 01, 2005


Tommy, Henry, Allie, Timmy (Because It Rhymes!) Now With Update! Isn't That Great?

So I took a drive in the rain to the Nothing Less command post for a little New Year’s Eve extravaganza. Which is a pleasant little house on a pleasant little street filled mostly with old people. How they penetrated the Valley of the Gray Hairs I have no idea. But it works because they are considerate of their neighbors and pretty much cool guys all around.

Of course it’s dark and raining, but that challenge was met by a convenient red light on the lamppost. Even I could find it. Fortunately, it helped that Uncle Dem lives just a few blocks over, so I already had an idea about the neighborhood layout generally. I arrived just about 10pm.

The place was really nice, a nice house. Good kitchen, nice and square rather than a long narrow rectangle. Looking to my right, I found the treats. I must tell you, these are the kinds of food that are good. Snacky type stuff. Cookies, chips and cheese dip, soda, crackers, that sort of stuff, and peanut M&M’s. How cool is that?

Beyond the kitchen you get to the living room, which is a good size and was set up to play. Huge speakers, amps and all the other stuff that makes things nice and loud. This may have been a special arrangement, just for one night, but for a band this is like a dream room. Sort of like the underground basement TV bunker I’ll be excavating once I win the lottery. I might even throw in a fog machine, which was pretty cool, except that it set the smoke alarm off once. Don’t forget to reconnect the battery guys!

You can’t set up a room like that without playing, and play they did. There were a decent number of people attending, some came and went, and a few times it was really jam-packed in there. They played for a little more than an hour, plenty of old songs, toss in a Green Day and Bad Religion, and new stuff too, which was cool. They did a great job, but Henry was in a tight corner with the drums and I kept wondering if he would smash his elbows into the wall. I’m happy to announce both walls and elbows finished the show intact. Tim stayed pretty much in the stage area, but Tommy wandered through the crowd a few times. Which was brave, because he was sort of taking his life in his hands. Or at least his butt. I swear, his cheeks got more pinches than a six year old boy at a grandmother’s convention. Did I mention Tim was wearing a tie? I guess that would be three for three of the times I’ve seen these guys. If you ever run into them on the street, Tommy is the tall one, Henry is the short one, and Tim is wearing a tie.

It was a great show, a whole lot better than the time I went to a small meet-n-greet show put on by Flying Blind. Which, you won’t be interested to know, had one member who is Mr. Texas’ little brother! Small world and all that.

Look I am terrible about describing songs, but the new ones were good and I’m looking forward to the new cd which they are finishing up now. Don’t just sit there like a lump, though; that’s my job. Your job is to go check out their cool website. It’s over on the left there, or if you’re left challenged like Derek Zoolander, just click here. You go look now!

And make sure you check out the cool stuff you can buy, like the Beyond Therapy CD, which has cool music, or a hoodie just like Tommy wore for the show, which has a cool hood, or the Record Store DVD, which has a cool video for that song, and a cool bonus making of the video thing too. You can get all of the above, and much more, so how sweet is that? No ties so far, though.

What else? Oh yeah. No one was sure of the exact time, so we decided to watch the countdown on TV. Somehow the only channel to be found with rabbit ears was a slightly blurry Spanish station, so we got to ring in the new year en espanol.

Did I cover everything? Good food? Check. Rocking show? Check. Bumper stickers? None to be seen. They were all gracious hosts, everyone was really friendly, and a good time was had by all.

Actual Update: Allie Cat has some cool pics from the festivities here. You go look now!

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