Friday, July 16, 2004


You Are Summoned To The Hall Of Elders

Alternate title: Our Justice Is Swift. Or At Least, No More Than 15 Minutes

Yes. The Hall of Elders. The Matron’s birthday. Well, not the exact day, Thursday was just convenient schedule-wise. The Hall is in a sort of countrysidey area. Gravel road, rabbits hanging out in the yard, turtles, frogs, ducks, countless non-duck birds and the occasional pesky non-human mammal. Pesky non-human mammals should be neutralized (neutralized = made not alive anymore).

I can hear your questions now, and I will give you a carefully considered, unbiased, honest answer: Hippies don’t count. Please do not neutralize them. This means you. Unless you are him or one of his duly appointed representatives. You go look now!

These pesky non-human mammals violate the dominions of the Hall of Elders. The will of the Elders is not to be denied. Violators would be neutralized. So let it be written, so let it be done. Captured violators: 6. Neutralizations: 6. Humans are dominant! The will of the Elders shall not be denied!

I will admit I enjoyed hearing this story over cake and ice cream. Remind me later to tell you how my Uncle Jam beat me to a Ben and Jerry’s joke. For fairness, I will also admit I felt a twinge of cute fuzzy animal guilt. Which ended when I learned that the agency that handles captured pesky non-human animals simply kills them and charges you twenty-five dollars.

The Elders are not fools! No middle man is necessary! In the dominions of the Hall of Elders, the word of the Elders is LAW! Our Justice is swift! See how that ties in to the alternate title? Sweet.

Anyway, the Elders had recently returned from a trip to another state, so I got to see some nice pictures of that. Aunt Viney was also there. She’s building a house out in the real countryside. We had a nice dinner at a nice place. A good time was had by all.
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