Thursday, January 06, 2005


Four Singles And A General

We had another little group work day, not unlike this one which taught me some new vocabulary.

Once again, Little General, Neighbor Lady, Miss Straight and Miss Tori were present. Funny thing about these meetings is that as much personal as professional items are discussed. I knew this all along, but it stood out in my mind at this meeting when at one point Little General left and Neighbor Lady noted that we’re all single and what are we doing about it.

You already know what I’m doing about it, which is diddly (not diddling, ya pervs!). Miss Tori is pretty much the same. Miss Straight and Neighbor Lady seem to have put a bit more thought into it.

Neighbor Lady and Miss Straight each have two kids, one boy and one girl. This is one reason why neither of them is in a relationship. Both of them are very busy with kids. Miss Straight will be out of that situation in a couple of years, and Neighbor Lady has maybe closer to eight years to go.

Neighbor Lady’s son Pompy started high school this year, and thinks he is a man and all that. What’s he going to think of a new guy around? And what about Little K? NL wants to be sure to set a good example for her daughter.

But really, NL feels she isn’t in the right place mentally or emotionally to have a relationship. Which is fine. If I was interested in introspection, I might very well discover the same thing about myself. Then again, some might say I’ve never been quite right, at least mentally.

Then there’s Miss Straight, who tells it straight. She’s not going to have sex. She might not be holding out til marriage, but it would have to be a major relationship. Long-term and all that. She heard somewhere that the average is for sex to happen on the third date, which was completely ridiculous to her. And so she’s decided she won’t be having sex. Big deal. I’m doing the same thing as her, just not on purpose.

But what if I did have a choice? Problem is, I would still have a conscience. I guess I am semi older now. It’s not like I’m twenty again and can have lots of casual fun, knowing that several years down the line I can settle down for a more permanent arrangement. Or maybe I should say I have an impression that women my age are looking for the more serious long-term thing. Or maybe they aren’t, cause how would I know? I know guy stuff like the sex appeal of tattoos and toilet seat etiquette.

Maybe this is the question: Could I have sex with a woman if I knew I wasn’t interested in a long-term situation with her? If she’s on the same page, sure. But if we’re on date three, and we haven’t discussed the future, what then? It’s easy right now to say that some sort of clarifying discussion should probably take place first, but in the moment? Well, conscience only goes so far. Far enough? I dunno. I’ll let you know if it ever comes up.

Maybe I should just watch that Seinfeld episode again.
I spent about two hours at Barnes and Nobles the other day and I read through a good deal of this book, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others:

and it talks all about how basically you have to make not being single priority #1 if you either have a busy career or are older because otherwise, the chances of getting married are slim to none. Now who knows how scientific this "research" is...but it was interesting to say the least.

So, in the spirit of that book, if you actually want to change it I say spend less time blogging (unless of course that leads you to single women of the appropriate age in your metro area) and more time out there!

But on the other point, whose to say older women all want to be like Miss Straight and take it slow. Some of them probably haven't had sex in years and are itching for it. I say set conscience aside and give the lady what she needs! I think they will make it very obvious if they are not interested in just a romp in the bed.
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