Monday, September 04, 2006


Stupid Songs, Def Leppard, A Challenge (Danger! Includes Some Frank Pseudo-Biological-Sexual-Technical Language)

No, I'm not going to get into what song I think is the stupidest rock song ever, at least not yet. You can get some of that in this Ron Coleman post at Dean's World, and also at Dean's World, a post by the man himself. Over at Faster Than The World, Michele and Turtle get in on it.

Ron Coleman's choice is "The Boys Are Back In Town," Dean has chosen "Smoke On The Water," an Turtle picked "Godzilla." All are admirable choices. However, Michele's choice of "Pour Some Sugar On Me," by Def Leppard, may have been a little unfair:
Yea dude. That’s what I’m talking about. Television lover? Razzle n Dazzle? Sugar me sweet? What the hell is going on here? Are you making dessert?
. . .

And I thought to myself, what the fuck am I singing? Sacharine? I’m sorry, but no self respecting rock song should have the word “saccharine” in it.

Do you take sugar? One lump or two?

Dude. That has to be the worst line in the history of all of rock and roll. Ever. Any time. I win.

Maybe a little harsh there. Perhaps a gander at the lyrics would be in order. I'll see if I can make some clarifying comments as I go:

Step inside (walk this way)
You and me babe (hey, hey!)
Hey! hey! hey!
[Calls out a girl, wants to do her, adds some rock'n'roll grunts. Ok so far]

Love is like a bomb, baby, cmon get it on
Livin like a lover with a red hot thong
Lookin like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?
(be your man)
[So the girl is hot, wears a red thong, and reminds him of the hot chicks he sees in videos on TV. Also, when you make love, there's an explosion. Please keep in mind that the word "explosion" is a metaphor for the feelings of climax. He isn't literally being blown to bits. What do demolition people do? Set off explosions. She's a demolition woman cause she can make guys explode. He wants to be with her because she is a very sexually satisfying lover. Is that so hard to understand?]

Hey! hey!
Razzle n a dazzle n a flash a little light
Television lover, baby, go all night
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah
[Razzle etc, all referencing the "explosion." Television lover refers us back to earlier comments about how she is hot like the women in videos. He'd like to have sex with her all night sometime. He wants it so bad, he'll do it anytime. Give me some sugar sometimes refers to giving someone a kiss, but in this case may also refer to natural feminine lubrications and climaxial secretions. He'd like her feminine explosions to coat him with her stickiness. No, they aren't making dessert.]


Take a bottle
Shake it up
Break the bubble
Break it up
[Ok, have you ever seen someone, perhaps at some championship sporting event, shaking a bottle of champagne, and squirting the white foaminess everywhere? And when a bubble breaks, another word for that might be pop. You might even say the bubble explodes, and now we're back to climax, which fits right in with the bottle shaking imagery.]

(pour some sugar on me)
Ooh, in the name of love
(pour some sugar on me)
Cmon fire me up
(pour your sugar on me)
Oh, I cant get enough

Im hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah
Hey! hey! hey!
[Again, the coating with the wetness, the stickiness, he's all excited and fired up by her. More rock grunting.]

Red light, yellow light, green-a-light go!
Crazy little woman in a one man show
Mirror queen, mannequin, rhythm of love
Sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up
(loosen up) I loosen up
[Wait, wait, hold it back, anticipation, then GO! When she makes love, it's like a performance, it is hot and sexual like she's the queen of the strippers (you know the stage backdrop is all mirrors, right?). She's a mannequin, a simulacrum, an android, a robotic lovemaking machine with a powerful sexual rhythm, but mannequin seems to fit the line best. She's like a dream girl, a naughty, naughty wet dream girl, and again "saccharine" fits the line better than "sugar." Hey they used a "sugar" substitute. These guys are lyrical geniuses! He tells himself to loosen up and get over some of his inhibitions and hangups to fully enjoy this experience, and he does loosen up.]

You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little, tease a little more
Easy operator come a knockin on my door
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah
Give a little more
[Recall the champagne bottle if you can't think of what he'd like her to squeeze. She's an "operator" in the sense of someone who knows how to work or do something, she's easy and he wants her to come knock on his door sometime, anytime. She may try to play the good girl, but he knows just how bad she is. The good kind of bad. You know.]

Im hot, sticky sweet from my head to my feet yeah
(you got the peaches, I got the cream)
[Hello? Steve Miller? "I really love your peaches want to shake your tree?" Peaches refer to breasts, and I don't really have to tell you what his cream is, do I?]

Sweet to taste (saccharine)
cos Im hot (hot!)
So hot
Sticky sweet from my head
(head!) my head
(head to my feet)
To my feet
[This was all pretty much covered already, wasn't it?]

Do you take sugar?
One lump or two?
[We saw above what her sugar is. He wants to know if she will take his "sugar" and will it only be once or more than once.]

Take a bottle (take a bottle)
Shake it up (shake it up)
Break the bubble
Break it up (break it up)
[See above.]

(pour some sugar on me)
Oh, in the name of love
(pour some sugar on me)
Get all, come get it
(pour your sugar on me)
(pour some sugar on me)
Sugar me!
[See above.]

And there you have it. A song about a guy who wants to be with a hot girl who really knows how to please a man sexually. If you complain about this song being meaningless, isn't that kind of like when you don't really "get" art, and you complain that Picasso just made some squiggles that don't even really look like stuff? Thus concludes the defense case for the non-stupidity of Pour Some Sugar On Me, by Def Leppard.

And if you don't buy that, I suppose next you'll try to tell me that She Bop by Cyndi Lauper isn't about masturbation.
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