Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Comcast: High Speed Internet, Low Speed Connection

So I may have mentioned that Miss Tori and I are blowing this popsicle stand for greener pastures. Everything has been great. So I call Comcast to arrange the big switchover.

You know, you call the phone company, they flick a switch or two, and you're on. Call the electric, they flick a switch or two, and you're good to go. Water? It's all good. Garbage? No problem.

Comcast? You're fucked. Sure, they'll come out and get my TV all hooked up. In. 24. Days.

I know, I know. You're thinking that Comcast is a major, nationwide company. You'd be right. You're thinking that Comcast has thousands of employees. You'd be right. You're thinking, Comcast must have said 2-4 days, not 24 days, and old LF heard them wrong. You'd be wrong.

In fact, I called again. Not only could I not believe what I'd heard, but I didn't have full faith in the dipshit who just told me this. The second guy I talked to was not a dipshit, and he told me the same thing. Twenty-four days. It will take Comcast twenty-four days to connect my cable. High speed my ass. High suck is more like it.

Naturally, you're wondering what could take a major, nationwide company like Comcast (ask about our high-speed internet!) twenty-four days. I'll tell you: they're busy. I know that if I was running a major, nationwide company like Comcast, and I brag about how fast (how fast? it's high-speed!) my company is, I would feel guilty as hell leaving people in the lurch for twenty-four days. Seems to me the first thiong I would do is get on the phone and get more guys hired so it takes less than five-sixths of a month to serve a customer.

Oh yeah, and that twenty-four days? It also applies to the internet. So you won't be bored here for quite a while now.

I called a third time, just to make sure I wouldn't be billed for all of these services. You see, they're transferring my services. I just wanted to be on the safe side. If they're so half-assed that they can't even figure out how to hook up a customer in less than twenty-four days, then who knows what sort of rip-off crap Comcast might try to pull? The lady this time said I wouldn't be charged. Miss Tori is good enough to remind me that I can't always blame the drones for following the instructions their retard bosses give them, so I didn't tear into her with a bunch of sarcastic mentioning of that half-assed stuff.

I also called the third time because I wanted one of those DVR boxes, which were not part of my last plan. Guess what? I don't have to wait twenty-four days for the DVR box. Guess why? They're sold out. Major, nationwide company Comcast is sold out. How does a major nationwide company like Comcast handle a situation like that? Do they, like I would if I were the boss, hold back, and not offer the DVR service until I was capable of meeting demand? Well, that might be the way that reasonable, responsible people who are even just a smidgen concerned about maintaining the good name, professionalism, and image of the company, people like you and me, would handle it. But we're not talking about people like you and me. We're talking about major, nationwide company Comcast. How do they handle it? They take your name and put you on a waiting list.

One thing I don't have to wait for? Learning how badly Comcast sucks ass. And not in the good way. If you're not one of the three lowest levels of Comcast employees, you're high enough in the system that I hope you rot in hell.

For the rest of you, thanks for visiting. I'll be back again in twenty-four days.
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