Saturday, January 21, 2006


I Saw A Boy's Ass Tonight

I never thought I'd say something like that, but there it is. It was at ye olde school play. In this production, it was convenient that jeans worked as part of the costume. Many of the kids were wearing them. One boy, as part of the play, gets knocked out by a punch. And he has a comical knockout twirl not unlike that of Bald Bull in that old boxing arcade game. Mid 80's? Kid Quick and Glass Joe were some of the other opponents. It totally humiliates me that I cannot remember the name of that game. I suck. But I digress.

Billy on stage there does his knockout twirl, and his baggy jeans, well, did their own twirl as he fell to the floor. There was his ass hanging out, I mean completely out, and facing, or mooning, as it were, the audience. And you could tell he debated whether to pull his pants up, or leave his cheeky contribution to the arts on display to maintain the realism of him being knocked out. I suppose if it happened to me, my first and only instinct would be to get the pants pulled up fast. He didn't do anything fast. He didn't move for maybe three seconds, and then he reaches down and pulls them up.

Before you ask, I'll just say that he wore boxers, and when the jeans went, so did they.

Aside from that one mistake, the play was awful. Brutal. Brutally awful. The worst play by far that I have seen at school. Which isn't exactly fair. They are students, after all. Maybe I should just look at it like a teaching hospital. Still, if this play is a teaching hospital, you don't want to get sick.

It's still important to go, especially when they start inviting you. They put a lot of time and effort into it. This is their chance to shine. They should be praised for making a commitment like this and following through. Going there and supporting them gives them important validation.

Writing that, and even feeling and believing it as I typed it, makes me sad. Most of the kids were mediocre in a mediocre play. We're supposed to be heaping praise on mediocrity now? Shall I send them congratulations for being within shouting distance of less than adequate? It just makes me think of all the other ways our kids are fed false praise and blown sunshine. By the time they get to us, those who are on that sort of diet are almost inevitably academically DOA.

Maybe I should stop before I start getting too grim. We had testing this week; blame it on that.

So am I pushing it with that headline?
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