Wednesday, January 25, 2006


Close Encounter Of The Seinfeld Kind

Jerry and George are in a cab, on their way to lunch.

George: So where are we going?

Jerry: It's a new place. A friend recommended it.

George: What kind of a place is it?

Jerry: What difference does it make? It was recommended to me and we're going to try it out.

George: I just like to know what I'm going to be eating. I'm uncomfortable when I don't know what I'll be having.

Jerry: You mean you're not comfortable going to a restaurant unless you know you can get chicken fried steak with biscuits and gravy?

George: Not the actual dish, Jerry. The cuisine. Is it Thai? Russian? French? That sort of thing. (Turns away with derisive look on his face, mutters) Chicken fried steak . . . (chuckle and snort)

Jerry, half amazed, half disturbed at the revelation of yet another George quirk: You know, we're really never going to get to the bottom of you, are we?

George: You actually thought you would? (Mock sadness) You really don't know me at all, do you? So, what kind of place is it?

Jerry: Don't worry, I'm sure they'll have something you'll like. It's a smorgasbord.

George: A what?

Jerry: A smorgasbord. They have a lot of different dishes, and you pick the things you want.

George: You're taking me to a Sizzler?

Jerry: No. Sizzler isn't a smorgasbord. It's a buffet.

Geroge: A lot of different dishes, and you pick the things you want is the definition of a buffet! So why isn't Sizzler a smorgasborg?

Jerry: It's not a smorgasbord because it's a buffet. They say it right in the commercials. Jerry does commercial announcer voice: All you can eat buffet at Sizzler.

George: So it could be a smorgasborg, they just don't happen to call it that?

Jerry: Did you just say smorgasborg?

George senses the potential for ridicule: Smorgas- what, why, what do you- ?

Jerry: I thought I heard you say it a minute ago but I know I just heard it now. You said smorgasborg.

George knows he's caught: It's not smorgasborg?

Jerry: No, it's smorgasbord, smorgasbord, with a "d" at the end.

George bluffs: Actually Jerry, it's you who is mistaken. It is smorgasborg, with a "g" at the end.

Jerry: George! It's smorgasbord. It's Swedish. It means sandwich table. What do you think? You go for the mashed potatoes and they tell you you're going to be assimilated?

George: I just didn't know, that's all. Is that ok?

Jerry changes course, deadpan: So what happened at Sizzler?

George: I took my parents there . . .

Jerry understands now: Ohhhhh . . .

George: Where'd you learn all that about the sandwich table and everything?

Jerry: Well there's this Swedish flight attendant . . .

George understands now: Ohhhhh . . .

They both reflect for a moment. The cab stops, Jerry pays and gets out first.

George, sliding over to follow Jerry out of the cab: So, do they have chicken fried steak at this place . . . ?

Was that from an actual episode? Did it come to me in a fit of rather lame creativity? Did I dream it? If so, why am I dreaming about two men? Which bothers me more than you, because you don't know what they did later that night.
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