Sunday, October 02, 2005


Team Magnum And Assorted Tidbits

So we've been back from satellite tasking for a while, all of us except for Princess Wolfie, who is of course off at the new office. So we had a nice chance to catch up on all the latest gossip. I got some new glasses a few weeks ago. Not some radical Devo glasses or anything, but certainly noticeably different from the old glasses. And I'd gone so long waiting for someone to say something, I'd pretty much forgotten about it. And who should say something? Especially if you're a long time reader, who should say something? None other than Princess Wolfie! Can you beat that? Hello? Thank you! Finally! Finally someone notices.

And so I ask Princess Wolfie what's up with the new office. How are things going with the dictator, and all that. Cause the word around the company is that the big cheese at the new office is some sort of tyrannical monster. But according to PW, things are going good over there. Huh. Later, I found out why. There's an acting big cheese running things over there. Turns out, the big cheese didn't last too much past the opening of the office. The reasons behind his sudden departure are unclear, but there seem to be two favorites. He had some kind of nervous breakdown and totally cracked up. Or, he was fooling around with a secretary, who also happened to be fooling around with the president of the company, and big cheese and president got into an actual fistfight. I mean we're all grownups here, we're supposed to be setting an example, and these guys got into an actual fistfight? Seems kind of ridiculous, but certainly a lot more fun than the nervous breakdown theory.

What else is going on around the office? Well, Miss Tori and I are both being evaluated, and as fate would have it, we're both being evaluated by the same division chief, Mr. Borg, an ultraprofessional, rather technocratic sort. As one of the few white men most of our clients deal with, I am constantly asked if Mr. Borg and I are brothers. We aren't, or course, but I do like the guy, especially when he's not evaluating me. He is the sort of evaluator who believes that he shows his effectiveness by knocking you down and lifting you up again by the end of the evaluation process. The his bosses think he's some sort of miracle worker. And that's all well and good. I bend like the reed, so it doesn't really bother me. Miss Tori isn't a reed. And she does not take kindly to Mr. Borg's theory of evaluations.

But sometimes fate decides to toy with you. Miss Tori is out in a crowded restaurant, and the alignment of some of the tables is such that if you're at Table A, you can still be pretty close to the people at Table B. And Miss Tori is venting to her friend about Mr. Borg. Well looking over her friend's shoulder, she can see the front door. And you know what happens next. Miss Tori says, "Who do I hate more than anyone in the world? Mr. Borg! Who is my number one enemy in the world? Mr. Borg! Who just came walking in the door? Mr. Borg!" Now the story wouldn't be worth telling if that was it. As she watches Mr. Borg, he winds his way through the tables until he ends up at the very next table. Miss Tori says hello, and Mr. Borg says hello back. Which still might not be worth telling, except, as noted, these tables are close together. And Mr. Borg was joining a friend, who couldn't have helped but get a major earful of everything Miss Tori had been saying about Mr. Borg. The guy didn't say anything while Miss Tori and her friend were there, but how could he not mention it once she left? Since he is rather borg-like, I don't think he will hold it against her in future evaluations. But how embarrassing can things get? Hopefully, it will be a story to laugh over in future years.

And finally, when there's an accident on the freeway, unless you're in it, there is no reason to cut your speed to less than 50% of the posted limit. All you do is get in my way and waste my time. I hate you all. Just give a prayer of thanks to whatever divinity you hold dear that I don't have some kick ass supergun mounted on top of my car. If I did, I wouldn't hate you, I'd just kill you. Stupid society preventing my righteous vengeance!
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