Friday, December 24, 2004


Who Gives Advice To A Sex Kitten?

Me, I guess. Which is completely ridiculous. I mean, I feel like Mr. Rogers giving cool tips to the Rolling Stones. But what the hell.

Witty Sex Kitten recently wrote about her email correspondence with her former boss from a summer job she had. They write back and forth about career issues and to keep in touch as friends. She has gone out socially with boss and his wife a number of times, and she likes the wife too. WSK also invited boss and wife to come to Vegas for New Year’s. Now she’s wondering if he is hoping to hook up with her in Vegas. The post, which includes selected email excerpts, is here. You go look now!

So is her former boss hitting on her? Is he fantasizing about a bathroom quickie, or maybe more, in the adult theme park that is Las Vegas? Simple answer? Yes. Would he actually do it? That’s a tougher question. Let’s imagine what’s going through his mind. Guys, you already know this, so feel free to skip this part.

WSK mentions something about how she likes New Year’s in Vegas, maybe suggests boss and wifey would enjoy it too. Let’s say this happened, well, let’s split the difference and say the first mention happened in October sometime (it’s unclear who mentioned it first, or exactly when). If this is the first Christmas for boss and wifey since their secret elopement, this may have provided the spark for each of them going to their own families for the holidays. Or they already had that planned, in which case boss is thinking to himself that maybe wifey could stay with family through New Year’s.

Summary so far:
WSK: They’re a nice couple and fun to hang out with.
Boss: Is there really a chance I could be alone, without wifey, in Vegas, on New Year’s, with many hotties including WSK?

As an appropriate young lady, WSK is careful to mention wifey every time, just to keep things on the up and up (Option Two: she is WSK after all, so maybe this is why she keeps mentioning wifey). Naturally, boss would rather that WSK quit mentioning wifey, unless specifically in the context of Option Two. He’s too busy crafting schemes that end up with him walking into Hard Rock Vegas and saying, “Sorry, WSK, wifey just couldn’t make it.” If Option Two did somehow come up, boss will instantly go to plan B, which largely consists of crafting schemes that end with him reaching the holy grail of the threesome. (Oh, and for a fun movie that shows this sort of scheming going horribly wrong, at least for the guy, you should rent The Sex Monster.)

You can see how crafty guys can be because even WSK isn’t sure if he’s hitting on her. And he tosses out lines like “Are you married yet?” and “Will there be hotties there?” like a guy trout fishing tosses out flies, just hoping the bait gets taken. See, he can be daring and racy a little. What he can’t do is make a declarative first strike. If he initiates it, and the answer is no, then he’s just handed a loaded gun to WSK, and the bullets all say “Til death do us part, my ass!” He is the guilty party, and WSK can claim innocence by refusing. And, he’ll never know when WSK might drop the hammer. After all, she is friends with wifey as well. So he keeps tossing out the bait, “I have been to Vegas about 4 times in the last 6 months” (here, he cleverly nullifies the thrill of Vegas itself, allowing WSK to step in and give him an extra “reason” to go), and “Are all the hotels booked?” (here, he gives WSK the chance to offer to let him stay in her room, on the couch of course, but really, he’s thinking that once they’re both good and drunk, there’s a pretty good chance the couch isn’t where he’ll end up). All he needs is a green light from WSK and he’ll be on a plane. Provided he can successfully dump wifey on her family for a few extra days.

You see, WSK can make the first move with impunity. If boss says yes, they’re partners in crime, and if he rats her out, he’ll just be hanging himself. Even if he says no, WSK is still covered, because no man is going to go home to his wife and say “Hey honey this very hot and sexually active woman made a move on me today. She had a place and a time picked out and everything. I said no, of course.” You’ve heard of a can of worms? These would be the worms from Tremors. Not gonna happen. And you know why? Because wifey knows that at some point she’ll piss off boss, and instead of being grumpy for a couple of days and complaining to his friends, he’ll have a woman all lined up to “feel his pain” as it were. Any guy would just keep the event to himself. We aren’t that stupid.

The confusing part may be that they have had joking teasing conversations before. Key word: before. Before what? Before he thought there was a chance for an out of town trip without wifey. A smart guy doesn’t shit in his own yard, so to speak. The out of town alone fling has two things going for it. First, the chances of some random person you know spotting you is greatly reduced. Second, the fact that it is out of town alone makes it psychologically easier to have the fling. Why? Because the rarity of the circumstance mitigates against the fling becoming an affair back home. There’s that saying, “What goes TDY, stays TDY.” It’s sort of like kids having a party when mom and dad are out of town. If mom and dad had never left, the party wouldn’t have happened.

WSK replies to a comment with this: “If a friend of yours that was single and female invited you and your wife to come skiing, or to go Mardi Gras, by implication that is flirting? Ridiculous.” Women reading this may fully agree, and it may be true, for them. But they ain’t guys. And I think it’s been made pretty clear above that for guys, it’s all flirting. It’s just that sometimes it’s flirting that can’t be acted upon right now. We might call it flirting with potential.

So that’s what he’s thinking. What should WSK do about it? You tell me.
Wow! Thank you! Insight is ALWAYS appreciated-no matter the source Floppington. I def. appreciate the male POV.

To clarify a few points, to aid in the analysis-1. I first mentioned I was going to Vegas for New Years, no invite, a few months back. He replied-can I join you? Which I thought a little odd but he goes to Vegas a lot. So I teased back and said you are welcome to meet up with me, but not to stay in the room with me & my 6 girlfriends, of course! 2. Wifey is not my type. Cute, but not my fantasy lesbo hook up. 3. I would not hook up with him. No way, no how. He is 5'7. And skinny. We are mentally very compatable but it would take an obscene amount of alcohol for this to happen. 4. The teasing conversations "before" relate to him teasing me about the guys I'm dating generally. No mention that he would be better than these men but just general, joking around with each other about dating/sex (with other people) so mentions of this sort are not completely out of left field.

Post script-I wrote back some sarcastic shit along the lines of, yes, I married idiot Cop Honey and am now pregnant...and then What the heck kind of question is am I married yet? I found sarcasm to be the only appropriate response.

Gold star for Floppington for sure.
All right! This is now officially a one star blog! Woohoo!!!
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