Saturday, December 18, 2004


The Drawing Of The Nine (Some Bad Words And The Most Eclectic Links Ever! So Far. For Me.)

You already know about the Empress Kitty. She’s one of the secret underground kitty alliance members (how secret? If it‘s on this blog, it‘s very secret! Even she doesn't know she's in it!). Yeah, I know, it needs a cool name. But today I’m here to tell you about a new kitty in the Clowder? Clutter? Pounce? One of those. They’re all names for groups of cats. You can see other animal group names here. You go look now!

How many kitties will be in our little pounce? I’m guessing nine. Nine lives and all that. Next question is whether I’m one of the nine as well. Or am I the one cat to rule them all and in the darkness bind them? I kinda like that better. Of course you know that unlike Sauron, I will be a benevolent dictator. Hey I just realized that the initials of benevolent dictator fit really well with the whole binding in the darkness thing. Just another example of following my bliss, as JC would say. No not him. The other one. Weren’t there nine muses too? How sweet is that?

Our new kitty is the Witty Sex Kitten, and she’ll be the muse of pleasure, so to speak, when I’m BD. And she has earned that posting through her dedicated community service efforts, particularly for our men in uniform. And she asks the time honored question, “Why is it ok for guys to be studs, but not ok for gals to be sluts?”

Even the question itself is loaded against the gals. I mean what do you call a girl with a certain zest for living? Slut? Tramp? Woman of flexible virtue? What a total rip-off! Stud just sounds cool. A guy with lots of action is a stud. Other guys congratulate him. For gals, not so much. Some tender vittles:

. . . once I told my friends about the 3somes-well the shit hit the fucking fan. My friends were rather, well, shocked, and then sort of judgmental. I threw a total feminist shit fit and explained to them that it was bullshit that guys can have 3some's with 2 girls and it's hot and it's sexy and they are players but I have a 3some with 2 guy's and I get called finger cuffs (if you don't know what that means you need to rent Chasing Amy)!

She’s right. I agree wholeheartedly. You definitely need to rent Chasing Amy.

And she’s right about the other stuff too. Bonus vittles:

. . . why is it so shocking and wrong if a girl wants to live out a fantasy and hook up with 2 guys but a guy does it and he regales his friends with stories of it and they all slap each other high 5's and buy the dude a beer.

Of course, it all boils down to the relative ease of obtaining sexual favors. Guys always want sex with girls. Always think about it. Kind of like when Jerry used a head of lettuce to model George’s thought processes. One little leaf controlled everything but sex. Which was the focus of the rest of the head of lettuce. Because for guys, the acquisition of sexual favors is a quest. This is why when George knew he had guaranteed sex waiting for him after several weeks of celibacy, he became post-op Charly Gordon over that same time period.

For gals, sex is always available whenever the mood strikes them. So they never have to think about it. Jerry’s metaphor for Elaine was garbage collection. She held out on her med-school boyfriend so he could get smart enough (a la George) to pass his exams. When sex wasn’t available, she got dumber and dumber as she thought more and more about it. Sort of like the trash piling up during a garbage strike. Don't take my word for it. The episode script (with a great Kramer subplot) can be found here. You go look now!

So when it comes to tales of sexual exploits, you’ll find among guys a sort of in the trenches together attitude. Sort of like Dennis Finch’s quest for threesome. I mean, if you saw it, it was like a modern take on the Twelve Labors of Hercules. And for every impossible task, there was a man who sacrificed himself in some way to help Finch toward his goal. We appreciate the holy grail of the threesome. We don’t get jealous or give guys shit over exploits. We celebrate the man who made it to the mountain top.

When someone mentions the green-eyed monster, we know they’re talking about jealousy, not a gangrenous schlong. And when you hear green-eyed monster, don’t you also first think of a woman? When we think of people being jealous, we often think of women, not men. Don’t get me wrong, a guy can be jealous of another guy with a specific woman; we just don’t get jealous over exploits. We’re team players that way. Women? Well, if there’s seven gals and one guy left on Survivor, and the guy makes it to the end and wins, that’s no advertisement for teamwork.

So why can’t women be supportive of studettes who enjoy themselves? Perhaps if we looked in their secret hearts, we’d find that it’s jealousy, yes, but also insecurity. If a woman sleeps with a lot of guys, maybe other women see her as someone who is hoarding guys, or keeping them unavailable. With a lot of garbage men on one block, the trash might get neglected elsewhere. I think some women might see a studette as taking away a potential guy that they might have wanted. These women might be too hung up on the whole soulmate thing. And so they’re jealous. Or they’re insecure because they don’t have threesomes. They may be afraid they don’t measure up as a woman somehow. Maybe they even wish they had the nerve to try it themselves. Being shocked and judgmental and hitting fans with shit may be their way of eliminating this threat before it spreads. Or something like that.

Fortunately, Witty Sex Kitten’s friends got over it and love her just the way she is. You can read the whole thing here. You go look now!

Oops! Loose Threads: Epilogue got bumped to tomorrow.

Actual Update: Dang! Why didn't anyone tell me I forgot to put in that last link? What, do I have to write and proofread this thing?
Wow Lord Floppington (I hope this is in no way a reference to anything regarding impotence) thanks for the awesome shout out and linkwhoring and insights into the occasionally evil female mind! I'm not sure if it is fear, jealously, or possibly loathing (which I believe is also a rather fine movie about las vegas and rampant drug use)which motivates females to turn on each other when one gets more dips in the honey pot than the others...but regardless, I do belive things may be a' changing and some point far far in the future women will be encouraged to be the naughty vixens they really are. Will blogroll you my Lord and if there is anything this Lady can do for you...
Yikes! I never considered the impotence angle before! Not true, ladies, not true! As for the other . . . we'll I'm only 5'11". Dang! And if the rest of you don't know what I'm talking about, you need to go and read more Witty Sex Kitten!
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