Saturday, September 11, 2004


Sexy Tattoos And Other Stuff That Make Guys Drool

Ok this post discusses sex type stuff. Those who are faint of heart may wish to skip this one.

Good Citizen Alyssa (potential nickname Allie Cat) was talking about tattoos recently. Specifically tattoos on girls. Even more specifically, two tattoos she is thinking of getting. Allie Cat updated that Tom Cat really wanted her to get one two years ago. Problem is, Tom (her guy friend), who never used to have a problem with girls with tattoos, suddenly seems to think they are trashy, and that she shouldn’t get one. You can read all about it here. You go look now!

Well I told Allie that I would try to explain the apparent discrepancy. Maybe I should start from the general and work to the specifics of this case. I have heard that women decide in the first five minutes of meeting any guy whether or not she would ever sleep with him. I say “heard” because no one has ever let me know they want to sleep with me after five minutes.

Guys don’t work that way. We want to sleep with practically everyone! Since practically everyone doesn’t actually sleep with us, or at least me, how do we keep this optimism going? We’re able to keep it going because even if women everywhere won’t sleep with us (me), we still see some women who look like they might sleep with anyone. “Look like” being the key words. So what do these women look like anyway?

Before we answer that question, it might be helpful to divide women into categories. For our purposes, we need only two: good girls and bad girls. Joanie Cunningham is a good girl. Pinky Tuscadero is a bad girl. Good girls are, well, good. They don’t sleep around. Bad girls do sleep around. For most people, being a good girl is the mainstream, or, perhaps, default position. Bad girls are non-mainstream, counterculture types. Of course I realize there are fresh-faced cheerleaders who nail the whole football team after every victory, and multi-pierced stoner chicks who are saving themselves for marriage. But I’m talking generalizations and perceptions here.

So for us guys, even though not every woman wants to sleep with us, it’s not too difficult to run across bad girl types who at least look like they are willing to sleep with lots of guys. So if you dye your hair some non-natural color, you’re outside the good girl mainstream, and maybe you’re easy (“not that there’s anything wrong with that”). If you have more than one or two piercings in each ear, you’re outside the good girl mainstream, and maybe you’re easy. If you’re tongue is pierced (according to numerous sources, and no personal experience, this helps fellatio), you’re outside the good girl mainstream, and maybe you’re easy. Same goes for nipples, belly buttons, and lower nether region piercing. If you’re all Gothed up, you’re outside the good girl mainstream, and maybe you’re easy.

And then there are tattoos. Definitely outside the mainstream. There are very few good girl tattoos. Maybe a small heart or flower on an ankle, but that’s about it. And really, it’s the fact of the tattoo that is important, the content is secondary. The simple fact that most casual tattoos are in places where they can be covered up is another example that tattoos are outside the mainstream. Say it with me my little angels, “If you’re outside the good girl mainstream, maybe you’re easy.”

However, just because it’s covered up doesn’t mean these women don’t want you to see it. The first two questions anyone asks when they learn someone has a tattoo? “What is it?” and “Can I see it?” And in most cases, they wouldn’t bring it up unless they wanted to show it to you.

The most common tattoo I’ve seen the last few years? Those tats across the small of a woman’s back, just above the top of her jeans. She wears a nice bare midriff top, and when you’re behind her, there it is. “Look at me. Look at the small of my back. Tanned, bare skin, the curve of my waist, I’m on display for you and I want your attention. And guess what? Looking at my tattoo, I know your eyes can’t help but take in my nice round ass. They may even drift down my legs and back up again. I could have worn something more modest; instead I deliberately chose to put on this show for you.” Trashy? Yes. Do guys care? No.

At least, as long as it’s some random girl we were going to fantasize about anyway. But if it’s our gal, we don’t necessarily want EVERY OTHER GUY SHE EVER MEETS to have extra fantasy material. Or to think she’s easy.

How does this apply to our current case? I think it’s pretty clear. At least, I thought I did til Allie Cat told me Tom Cat wanted her to get one two years ago. Now I am privy to almost no details of their relationship, but I guess I could imagine a few scenarios.

First, were they actually “together” two years ago when he told her that? If not, and Tom was interested in Allie, her willingness to get a tattoo would be a boost to Tom’s morale and his hopes for future “togetherness.”

Second, two years is a long time, especially if the two years happens when you’re somewhere between eighteen and twenty-two. Tom Cat may have matured quite a bit. He may very well know the difference between any old gal and his gal. What is the difference, as far as guys are concerned?

“Any old gal” is the girl he meets at a party, sleeps with in an upstairs bedroom, and leaves thinking “Damn! This is my lucky day!”

“His gal” is the girl he has feelings for. He cares about her. She is a special and precious part of his life. He is reduced without her. She makes his life better. “His gal” is always a good girl, no matter what sort of “togetherness” they might share privately.

And that’s why a tattoo that makes a girl trashy (in a sexy-trashy sort of way) is perfectly fine for “any old gal,” but not so fine for a “his gal.”

So what’s the moral of the story? Guys, if you think you’ve found your very own “my gal,” cherish her. Her presence will elevate everything else in your life, and without her, you’ll wish you were dead. She’s worth her weight in gold. “Any old gal” is a dime a dozen.

How do you know if your gal is Miss Perfect? And does each of us have only one true soul mate? Oh my goodness, don’t even get me started.
I feel priveledged to have sparked you to write such a huuuuuge entry! Thanks for all the insight. Evidently Tim's whole issue with the tattoo's and the main reason he thinks it will be trashy is because of the placement of them. He thinks they should be well hidden.
Thanks for the small glimpse into the male is always helpful and never readily accessible. Can't say it always makes sense, but it's all relative...
Oh man! If I have to start making sense, I don't know what I'm going to do!
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