Wednesday, July 07, 2004


What Did You Eat Under There? Under Where? You Ate Underwear?

Ok I don’t go shopping much, clothes-wise. I don’t like dealing with jerks, which is what happens when I go out. But I finally broke down, and one of the thing I got was some new underwear. The store I was in didn’t have the brand I got the last time. The change will take some getting used to. First of all, when I was a kid, there was no advertising on underwear. The waistband was white. Maybe it had a little stripe running around it. Now we have brand names or logos on the waistband. I do not like my new brand name. On the old ones, the letters FTL were repeated around the waistband. While I’m normally against logos, this I could live with. See, with FTL, I could always tell a woman who happened to be in a position to be seeing my underwear, like if she was helping to remove them or something, that the letters stood for Feel The Love. Not that this circumstance ever actually happened. Trust me. It’s been a while. And of course we know the letters actually stand for Fruit of The Loom. The new ones repeat the phrase “Classic Hanes” around the waistband. How am I going to work with that? Couldn’t they have said “Classic” and left it at that? I could use that. Who am I kidding? I’m never going to use either one.

The Classic Hanes have another problem. Now please keep in mind, we’re talking normal, non-boxers underwear here. But these Classic Hanes are somehow cut differently. I mean, when I wear them, it feels like half of my hiney region is hanging out in the wind. Even if I have pants on, I still feel exposed. And the material itself just feels thinner, not as substantial. Maybe it’s summer underwear.

Here’s a problem that I noticed a few years ago that has been fixed now. I used to get plain white underwear. Now I get the colors. The first time I ever got colored underwear, I couldn’t help but notice the model on the package. He was African American. Look on the next shelf at the white underwear, and the model was a white guy. I remember at the time thinking someone would surely write a letter to the company and point this out. I don’t know if that happened or not, but on my recent shopping trip, I saw that this division no longer existed. So why would a company segregate it’s underwear models? Was this some kind of subtle message? Who knows? But if you want me to guess, ask me later.
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