Sunday, June 27, 2004


Alien Evolution

Ok so I had Chinese food last night. It came with one of those clever Chinese Zodiac placemats. They give you all the animals, and you find the year you were born, and presto! Should any guy really be born in the Year of the Cock? Well I am. I’ll just type it in for you. “A pioneer in spirit, you are devoted to work and quest after knowledge.” Hmmmm. Semi-accurate, I guess. But check this out. “You are selfish and eccentric.” Ooops. A little more than semi-accurate this time. Hell, I don’t need a placemat to tell me that. “Rabbits are trouble. Snakes and oxen are fine.” Well after a little mental calculation, I determined that Princess Wolfie is an Ox. Talk about a knife in you. Even though I’ve got these feelings for her like she’s the greatest thing since fire, my inner Spock knows that nothing can happen there. Yet, here she is, named as compatible for me by my Chinese Zodiac placemat. Also an Ox is the lady who invited me to this shindig.

Her husband died about two years ago. I told you before how bad I am at picking up hints. I’m wondering if she is making overtures to me. She asked me last week if I was ready yet. Now my neighbor the Gardener has been asking me this for a few months now, but of course he’s a guy, single, and must be close to 50. How can I put this? His nightlife is active. If you need more, ask me later. So you can see where Gardener is coming from. He keeps telling me I should “appreciate” my other neighbor, Clippie, if you know what I mean. Now he tells me I should appreciate Ox Lady, as well. Ok, Ox Lady isn’t going to work. Let me tell you about her, and I’m sure you’ll recognize the type. Ms. Professional, that’s her new name. She is representative of a type of intellectual, professional, office worker. She is a management type. This is difficult to describe, I hope I can communicate this effectively. This type is not necessarily weak, but still manages to look somehow frail. This type is not unattractive, but doesn’t inspire lust or passion. I don’t think housewives ever look like this. Housewives, stay at home moms, they do real work. Don’t complain. For purposes of this discussion, “real work” means actual physical work, as opposed to the intellectual sort of work done by Ms. Professional types. Ok I’m warning you now, this may be the most convoluted bit of writing you’ll ever see on this site. Not for the timid.

Still here? Good. Women doing physical work, their bodies, and even the (for lack of a better term) vibe that they give off, somehow seem more real. They’re just more physically there, if you catch my drift. Perhaps one crude way of putting it would be to say that in these women, the mind serves the body. Ms. Professional types are just the opposite. Their work is in the intellectual realm. By this I don’t mean university professors, but rather anyone whose job involves the mind but not the body. And because their lives are less physically based, their bodies and their vibe seem somehow less real, less physically there.

Indulge me here. These Ms. Professional types seem more evolved in some way. What are they evolving toward? I’m glad you asked. We’ve all seen Close Encounters, right? If you haven’t, go and buy it, and watch it twice. I’ll wait. Ready? Ok. Near the end we see some “Grays”, you know, the typical good alien. Short, hairless, sort of gray, big, black, almond eyes in a big, oversized head. You get the idea. Well here’s my theory. Start with the typical Gray alien and work backward through its evolution. You know what it would remind you of? It would remind you of the human evolution chart if you looked backwards for about a million years. What I’m saying is if you go back in Gray evolution, you’ll eventually get to something that looks a lot like us. So how did we get from here to there?

Believe it or not, the Ms. Professional type is the first step on that journey. I’ve said above that they somehow look less real, kind of frail. I said that in housewife types, the mind serves the body. In the Ms. Professional type, the body serves the mind. What’s the difference? I shall now speak in very broad terms. Mind serves body exists when the purpose of the mind is to direct actions that satisfy the needs of the body. Body serves mind exists when the body serves the needs of the mind. Think of a car. You get in, and the car does all the work. It exists to transport you from place to place. This is the same relationship between the body and the mind in the body serves mind type. Look back over our evolution. Look from grunting man-apes to caveman types to wandering tribes to domesticated animals to settled agriculture to the industrial revolution to the technological age of today. Obviously, man-ape’s mind serves his body. As you advance this doesn’t change substantially for a long time. I think it isn’t until the industrial revolution that meaningful numbers of people were able to live lives that facilitated the body serving the mind. This number has grown ever since and will continue to do so. We do less and less as technology grows. When was the last time you didn’t use an electric can opener? When was the last time you got up and walked to the TV when you wanted to change the channel? The more labor is done for us, the less we need our bodies. The more climate controlled, the less hair we need. When everything except walking is done for us, we won’t need much more than a childlike Gray body type. When our lives are almost entirely of the mind, we may have oversized, Gray type heads. I don’t have to sell you on this, do I? Seems reasonable. Except. Except it’s all based on the body type of the Grays actually being real and known and measured, etc. Which it ain’t been. So where did this image come from? Some of you know. I don’t. Why do many ufo encounter claims contain similar descriptions of the Grays? Or was it in sci-fi first? You tell me. I wonder if someone, trying to imagine what aliens would look like, had the bright idea of imagining humans a million years in the future. By that time, we would be out, exploring the galaxy, visiting primitive worlds where some people see us and no one believes them. We are the Grays.

So as I was saying, you’ve all seen these types of women, and Ms. Professional is one of them. So she asked me if I was ready, and I told her I thought I would leave it to fate. You know, my usual response. So then she invites me to this dinner. It’s sort of a civic organization. And the tickets are fifteen dollars and she buys my ticket. So is she just being nice, or what? Now if she’s just being nice, well great. No problem. But what if it’s more than that? I’m the sort that prefers beyond a reasonable doubt in these things. What’s happened so far is not enough to go on. So I guess I’ll just wait and see. But waiting until I’m sure might mean waiting too long. All this from a Chinese placemat. Life is weird.
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